Pussy For President?

In politics as in pop, the winners are those who employ the catchiest refrain. If “change” has been this year’s hook, then “strength” is definitely the chorus. And both major presidential campaigns are clearly set to amplify these electoral harmonics, elaborating ad nauseum about their anti-Washington allure and OMG political muscle.

Unfortunately, strong politicians are not unlike strong bullies. The strength is there, certainly, but only when it doesn’t matter.

In fact, there is a curious correlation between an official’s “strength” and his propensity to cower in the face of actual threat.

You know, it’s not very hard to telegraph strength when all that entails is a willingness to bludgeon liberty.

Like a bully shouldn’t be considered strong for stealing a kid’s lunch money, neither should a politician’s strength be celebrated when he steals people’s freedom.

There is exactly one political area that requires strength, and the “strongest” politicians remain impotent in what ought to be their bailiwick.

As tough is the talk about the “war on terror,” all the strong politicians can’t get it up enough to screw the Arabs. Seriously, somebody needs a Viagra prescription.

You know it’s bad when the GOP’s only fighting words come not from war hero extraordinaire John McCain, but from his neophyte running mate.

Seriously, Sarah Palin talked a pretty big foreign policy game in last night’s debut interview, correctly calling out Russia for its recent invasion of Georgia – an expert area for her since “you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska.”

But even Palin, the toughest talker in the race, revealed her dilettante commitment to national security when she refused to answer whether the U.S. has the right to go after Pakistani terrorists.

Sure, she threw out a handful of “whatever it takes” responses, but there’s nothing like a firm “yes.” Like most self-proclaimed security nuts, Palin’s nested remarks belied weakness: Refusal to state a position serves as a shield when that position becomes unpopular. Strong people need only the shield of their convictions.

Still though, that’s better than we’re getting from either McCain or Barack Obama.

McCain comes off like the decrepit Star Wars emperor wearing his flak jacket in tours of extremely, extremely secure areas of Iraq. Of course he’s “been there, done that” when it comes to proving his bravery, but these photo ops don’t exactly exude strength.

And then there’s Obama, who basically wants to teach the world to sing. Even if they hate us. Obama’s Middle Eastern listening tour was the equivalent of steroids for al Queda, which is no doubt huddled in a cave somewhere praying to Allah that this guy wins.

But all that flaccidity doesn’t seem to apply to passing laws and tightening regulations and spending money – all of which is done in the name of strength, and none of which is consistent with the definition of strength.

And so we introduce what should be everyone’s slogan for 2008 and beyond: Pussy For President.

The rationale is simple – politicians should be just as effete in matters of sovereignty as they are in matters of security.

Of course, the slogan also has the benefit of being concordant with this year’s other enduring electoral theme.

Pussy For President, indeed.

Comments