We Were 600% Off

UPDATE ON FEDERAL SELF-DEPORTATION SCHEME

By Mande Wilkes

FITSNews - August 16, 2008 - It’s time for a rare FITSNews‘ mea culpa here … We recently told you about a federal self-deportation program in which illegals are invited to turn themselves in to authorities in exchange for a delayed deportation.

We were pretty hard on that idea, as we didn’t think it had a chalupa’s chance in Chile of working. Turns out we were wrong, people …

The federal government’s pilot program that gives illegal immigrants up to 90 days to leave the country has received few takers in the five cities in which it is being offered, including San Diego.

So far six people have registered: a Mexican national in San Diego; two Indians and a Guatemalan in Chicago; a Salvadoran in Charlotte, N.C.; and an Estonian national in Phoenix. None registered in Santa Ana.

The program began Aug. 5 and goes through Aug. 22. It offers the estimated 457,000 illegal immigrants with outstanding deportation orders and no criminal records a chance to turn themselves in.

That’s right, exactly six people have signed up for self-deportation - which is exactly six more than we predicted. So we were like 600% off … or something. But there’s more to this story …

Since lobotomies and low IQ’s figured prominently in the decision-making process of the six who chose self-deportation, we hear that they’re being tapped to run for Congress.

When asked about the possibility of a future in politics, they astutely responded “Que sera, sera.”

Well, actually, they just kept repeating “que?” but we figured that’s what they meant.

The government, for its part, hasn’t decided yet whether the program succeeded or failed. Says ICE spokeswoman Lori Haley: “We are getting a significant amount of calls and inquiries on our Web site.”

Gee, that sounds a lot like Sic Willie’s explanation of … well, a lot of things.