OLYMPIC OBSERVATIONS FROM MISS SANDERS
(Editor’s Note – Alright, alright. We didn’t actually spring the multiple G’s to send our intrepid reporter over to China. But she is in Hot-lanta, where the Olympics were twelve years ago .. so that sorta counts, right? Anyway, we hope you enjoy our latest effort to make up for not covering the Olympics so good … err, so well … )
By Polly Sanders
FITSNews – August 15, 2008 – The games of the XXIX Olympiad have been thrilling as always. It’s the only time in four years that you will hear straight men gather around the water cooler to discuss the virtues of menâ€™s gymnastics and lament the loss of gold because we â€œchoked on the Pommel Horse.â€
This blissful celebration of typically unnoticed sports has had several highs and lows thus far. Letâ€™s get the worst of it out of the way first â€¦
â€¢ Tragedy strikes with a random and brutal attack on the Bachmans, father and mother to former U.S. Olympic volleyballer Elisabeth McCutcheon and in-laws of Hugh McCutcheon, the coach of the U.S. men’s indoor volleyball team. Mr. Bachman died after being stabbed by a Chinese national at a tourism spot in Beijing. Mrs. Bachman remains in the hospital.
â€¢ On a lighter note, we have the frat-pack of Menâ€™s Gymnastics. To see our teams partying it up over winning the bronze, you would have thought they had struck gold. True, they overcame great odds and substantial injuries, but there’s no need to go all Vanilla Ice and get in the cameraâ€™s face. Fist pumps and chest bumps? Acceptable. Telling the camera â€œSup America!â€ and â€œThatâ€™s how we do it!â€? About as cool as riding the MARTA.
â€¢ Everyone is complaining about Chinaâ€™s obvious use of toddlers on their Womenâ€™s Gymnastics team. I say what’s the big deal? If our high schoolers canâ€™t beat their middle schoolers, do we really deserve the gold?
â€¢ The clear best moment was the menâ€™s 4×100 relay. The French, in a very French-like fashion, began the competition in the press, claiming, â€œThe Americans? We will smash them!â€ Not so fast, obnoxious Frenchmen! Jason Lezak closed a seemingly impossible gap and shattered the world record while defeating the shark-tattooed, smack-talking, world champion Bernard by mere fingertips.
â€¢ The US v. China in Menâ€™s Basketball – i.e. the most watched basketball game ever. I am not going to lie, part of me was proud of those Chinese guys for hanging in with the Redeem Team for as long as they did.
â€¢ We also have big love for Michael Phelps. Currently, Michael is five for five in Gold with three races to go. Which is just ridiculous. He somehow made double-jointed elbows and knees cool and will probably win 16 more medals before this hits the web.
â€¢ Letâ€™s also give a shout to synchronized diving. I havenâ€™t seen such fierce speedo-clad man-boy synchronization since, well … never. The ladies are represented as well, hitting twists we all envy.
â€¢ The United States took home our 900th gold medal on Thursday thanks to cyclist Kristin Armstrong. She is not related to Lance, so stop asking.
â€¢ Finally, the Belgium Beast, also known as Liesbeth Mouha, was not able to stop volleyball duo May and Walsh from taking their 105th consecutive win. So Moohaha, to you Belgium Beast!