The Hilton Cabinet

RIHANNA, WHERE YOU AT?

FITSNews – August 6, 2008 – Ever since naming Rihanna (above ) as her top veep pick, speculation has been mounting as to who Paris Hilton might select to round out her Cabinet.

Here are our humble suggestions to the heiress …

Secretary of State – Number Two (Dr. Evil never fully appreciated his genius)
Secretary of the Treasury – Snoop (Death Row could be the label that pays us all)
Secretary of Defense – Lawrence Taylor (terrorists, meet the “sack attack”)
Attorney General – Kevin Costner (he’s untouchable like Elliot Ness)
Secretary of the Interior – Britney Spears (we’re all familiar w/ her interior)
Secretary of Agriculture – B-Real of Cypress Hill (no more cops snatching his crops, people)
Secretary of Commerce – Jay-Z (friend of Rihanna, plus he knows a lil’ ’bout da biz)
Secretary of Labor – Eminem (worked his way up from the trailer park)
Secretary of Health and Human Services – Lindsay Lohan (like Paris, understands diseases)
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development – Barack Obama (not a token)
Secretaries of Transportation – Southwest DeKalb Drum Majors (we can all ride duh MARTA bus)
Secretaries of Energy – The Teletubbies (clean, abundant and renewable jumpin’ around)
Secretary of Education – Tyler Durden (yeah, our kids can handle the truth)
Secretary of Veterans Affairs – John McCain (because old people really can still contribute)
Secretary of Homeland Security – Dave Chappelle (won’t fall for “yellow cake” bit)

And of course, there’s no spokesman better prepared to craft the message for this all-star administration than our own Sic Willie. God bless America, baby!