On A Lighter Note …
TEN THINGS SIC WILLIE HAS LEARNED ABOUT MARRIED LIFE
By Will Folks
FITSNews - June 25, 2008 - Yeah it’s me, Sic Willie. I’m the guy that writes a lot of the stuff you read here on FITSNews. I know there’s been some speculation about this, but believe it or not I’m not a heroin addict. Oh, and I actually did get married a little over a week ago to the most beautiful girl on the planet, my new wife Katrina (that’s her sleeping on my shoulder).
Needless to say, I’ve learned a lot about life over the past 10 days. And while it’s cheesy as hell to say it, I really never knew I could be this happy. Of course, I also never knew I could be such an idiot about so many different things (or “everything,” as my wife lovingly says). Or that so much of my stuff could be confined into such a small portion of our house.
Seriously, women are masters of space appropriation, particularly when it’s male stuff that’s being appropriated. For example, I have no idea where my 1961 Roger Maris baseball card is, or my X-Box, for that matter. Could be behind the wall of pots, pans, serving trays, kitchen appliances, tablecloths, pillows, bedsheets, mattress pads, fine China, everyday China, lamps, picture frames, … yeah, my stuff is probably somewhere under all those boxes.
Anyway, here’s a few things I’ve learned since getting hitched I thought some of y’all might enjoy …
10) My wife doesn’t care what I do or how important I think I am sometimes … she just loves me. And I’m important to her, which is all that matters.
9) You get a lot of presents when you get married … none of them are “boy” presents, though.
Apparently I snore … a lot. I also apparently fart sometimes so loud that I wake myself up.
7) Sometimes my wife thinks it’s funny when I joke about wanting a “flesh-colored” wedding ring. Other times she doesn’t think it’s all that amusing.
6) Saying “yes, dear” can defuse a lot of potential arguments, but it cannot be said dismissively or condescendingly, or else it backfires completely.
5) My wife smells really, really, really good. Like all the time. I, on the other hand, am quite stinky. Amazingly, I am still having quite a bit of sex, though. Go figure. By the way, sex is so much cooler when you’re not having it by yourself.
4) I do not recognize the inside of my refrigerator anymore. It smells nice and there’s stuff in there that’s taken the place of cardboard pizza boxes and styrofoam containers. The hot dogs have been replaced by sliced turkey, and my milk seems a lot more watery (skim?) these days. Also, who the hell knew there was such a thing as green noodles.
3) I have surrendered control of the TV remote to my wife, my favorite seat in the house to an incredibly-eclectic cat named “Ollie” (a.k.a. “Crackhead”), my favorite Al Pacino DVD’s for Thomas the Tank Engine videos (for the little guy) and I will soon be surrendering several additional hours a day to a new puppy.
2) Children are a blessing from God. Even when they step directly on your testacles and laugh about it, or yell “Mister Will!” at the top of their lungs fifty times in a row at five o’clock in the morning.
1) True love is the most amazing thing in the world … I hope all of you out there (even those who hate my guts) get to experience it …
Take it easy,
-Sic Willie
Comments
By purpleminded1 on June 25th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Fits,
Congragulations. I promise I won’t mention the past anymore. Old news. Seriously, I wish you and the Missus the best. This piece is very sweet-definitely a side of you that you have kept hidden at least to this reader.
On all the questionable pictures-do you think you could tone it down or at least categorize them as someone suggested?
You might be a father soon or it sounds like you already are, so think about little eyes seeing some of this very offensive material.
By Not Sayin', Just Sayin' on June 25th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Dang, it took me four years to learn more of that. The snore thing was particularly tough, and any observations about her snoring are considered signs of my pending insanity and beyond the realm of the possible.
By Snead on June 25th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
This is very gay… I have to assume this will be followed by at least 6 posts of Hollywood T&A…
By enemy_at_the_gates on June 25th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Will, you apparently are a very fast learner, so here are three critical tips for married men to continue to be happy in their marriage:
#1) Take Out the Trash without being reminded.
#2) Lift ALL heavy objects without objection or grunting.
#3) Never assume you are ‘all that’ when it comes to tip #3
By Not Sayin', Just Sayin' on June 25th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Yeah, please try to limit all of this Alan Alda shat. FITS fans deserve some boobies after this, so please oblige.
By juju on June 25th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
im guessing you learned your lesson about not beating your lovers?? no wait maybe when pigs fly out of my !@#%
By Earl on June 25th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Welcome to married life. Ain’t it something?
By Auntie Ash on June 25th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Darling Will: You have never looked happier, and I have never been happier for you. This is a wonderful post — ignore the cynics, honey. Enjoy this — it is what’s real and it is what matters.
I am proud of you for taking a break from the rampant ugliness (now be a good boy and do it more often!), and proud of others who may disagree with you most days, and may not even like you much, but who have it in them to genuinely wish you well. That is a good instinct. I am glad to see it acted upon. That doesn’t happen often enough.
You are a good, sweet guy. I know that about you. So do other people. And Katrina is just delightful — everyone who has met her thinks so. She is, as you would say, “awesome.”
It was generous of you to share your happiness with everyone else.
You can all go back to being mean to each other tomorrow!
By tammy on June 25th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Snead, just because you are happily married doesn’t mean your hubby still doesn’t love to look at Hollywood T & A.
Actually…any sensible wife is thankful for HW T&A. It does save me a bit of time.
By Call me Sprakleberry on June 26th, 2008 at 12:41 am
Will,
Congrats, you are a good guy, and she sounds great. Have fun, enjoy your bond, and then, have some Will little Vikings.
You are doing well, and I always liked you although we don’t always agree. You write great which is the sign of the now defunct “pod system”, and let’s raise the driving age to 21 because I am 11 years ahead of you, and I know ypou went down the mallet hill at mach 2.
The pods are gone, I watched the last one get smashed. Go check it out, and the bombing range is now urban sprawl.
I still owe you lunch but I will wait till you need a fix after that heroine has you eating healthy, and buy you a slaw dog at the alumni house near the polo fields, and brick place.
Kindest, Best Wishes, and when you have kids expext lots of toys with noise and parts.
The house of Folks-established 2008.
By rick on June 26th, 2008 at 7:07 am
All righty then, after 35 years of marriage, if I may interject some “words of wisdom”. If she’s not your best friend, someone you would rather hang out with rather than your beer drinking buddies, you need to make her so. Let her know how much you appreciate what she does for your life. (Flowers, just because) Fight nice, being ugly begats ugly and bruised feelings. The nice thing about a nice fight is the nice lovin at the reconciliation. Even if you have absolutely no interest in knowing how to do what she’s interested in, fake interest, educate yourself to the interest and then pay attention to what this produces. You’ll find that over time, unless you cultivate awareness, the clean “girl” smell will fade from consciousness. Work to retain that consciousness, she’ll notice and you’ll be the one that gains by an increased sense of wellbeing. Lastly, enjoy.
Well enough maudlin nonsense. Back to hate and discontent.
By Agnes on June 26th, 2008 at 9:24 am
More Advice For Eternal, Wedded Bliss:
1. LOVE her cooking, or hide it under the napkin & dispose of it quietly.
2. NEVER, under any circumstances, call Mrs. Sic, “Big Girl.”
3. Wait at least 10 yrs. before you start dragging her mother into it.
By Gladys Kravitz on June 26th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Willie,
If and when Mrs. Sic is glowing and growing with child — and you think “Big Girl” would be a ‘cute’ term of endearment — you will likely find yourself on the miserable side of wrong soon after it leaves your lips!