Mr. And Mrs. Sic Willie

By admin • on June 19, 2008

BOW CHICKA BOW, BABY

FITSNews - June 19, 2008 - For much of the past week, there’s been some confusion as to whether or not South Carolina’s most eligible bachelor actually got married. Some have said it must be a joke … or at the very least an elaborate excuse for him to take a week away from his responsibilities here at FITSNews.

There have also been some legitimate public safety concerns raised in association with Sic’s alleged union, as discussed by our bud Earl Capps:

… hundreds of heartbroken women will likely be hurling themselves from bridges, ledges, and cliffs across South Carolina by sundown.

Wait … hundreds? Just hundreds? C’mon, Earl. Nobody likes it when you low-ball a tragedy. Anyway ladies, Sic’s biting wit, movie star looks, porn star penis and estimated net worth of eleventy kabillion dollars are indeed officially off the market.

For those of you who can’t let go of the fantasy, though, we will be offering anatomically-erect … err, correct … Sic Willie inflatables over at our FITSNews storefront.

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Comments

By CL on June 19th, 2008 at 9:03 am

I thought it was interesting that Willie’s marriage coincided with the legalization of gay marriage in California. I guess the picture alleviates that concern (unless she is a tranny).

By little.wedding.bird on June 19th, 2008 at 9:10 am

Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Sic!!!

Mrs. Sic, we hope you will be more understanding about being referred to as Mrs. Sic than Mrs. Snake, wife of our lawyer friend in Louisiana. Mrs. Snake didn’t take too kindly to it…

God Bless Y’all’s New Little Family!!! Make it a big one!!! Have a whole platoon of Little Sics!!!

By Crooner on June 19th, 2008 at 9:54 am

“[B]iting wit, movie star looks, porn star penis and estimated net worth of eleventy kabillion dollars…” Sic, you’re batting .250 here- much like your Fartknockers.

By pornohead on June 19th, 2008 at 10:00 am

Does she not know you run a porn site? Course you could probably make some $$$ off of that babe!

By Devo on June 19th, 2008 at 12:55 pm

Pornohead - don’t you know whatever money he brings in, he spends on his heroin habit?

He’s probably a serial killer, but I’ll need to ask Catherine Ceips to be sure.

By Catherine Ceips on June 19th, 2008 at 12:59 pm

Losing elections makes one reflect upon past mistakes. During the course of my reflection process, I realized that I was just jealous of Sic Willie and his girls.

I wanted to emulate his biting wit, swooned over his movie star looks, craved his porn star penis and would have killed for a piece of his estimated net worth of eleventy kabillion dollars.

I wanted someone to beat me, I wanted to be an Internet porn star, and I wanted someone who would share my addiction for heroin.

I can admit it all now. I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

I am free.

By fits_gals on June 19th, 2008 at 1:06 pm

CC,

Although your comment was funny as hell, please don’t comment under someone else’s name! The FITS Gals might have to take you down in a little wrastlin’ match.

Happy commenting.

xoxo,

The FITS Gals

By FITNA on June 19th, 2008 at 3:25 pm

I hope this isn’t a veiled suicide threat from the de-pommed cheerleader. We wouldn’t want to be responsible for that one.

By FitnaSortaMuted on June 19th, 2008 at 3:31 pm

xoxo — Hugs and Kisses All ‘Round, Now.

These nuptials are a “cause célèbre” people!!!!

Out of here, you nay-sayers. You are just jamming my buzz. Ugh!!!!!!