The Model P
NOW EQUIPPED WITH BRIGHTER HEADLIGHTS
FITSNews – June 6, 2008 – Since there are now apparently television ads running in South Carolina that refer to FITSNews as a “lewd” porn site, we figured we’d take this opportunity to explain the difference between what we do and what real porn sites do.
We’re all about public awareness here, people, and if it takes Salma Hayek’s barely covered breasts to alert women to the importance of getting regular breast exams, then so be it. Additionally, we felt it was our journalistic responsibility to warn the public about questionable breast exam providers, too. Seriously, it’s a real problem.
We also provide valuable public information about government-approved floatation devices, including Pam Anderson (above ), that could prevent tragic motorboating accidents, and we’ve gone out of our way to praise true feminist heroes who are willing to lay their lives on the line to make our country a better place.
True porn sites, on the other hand, cost money to visit. Just ask our founding editor Sic Willie, who annually spends eleventy kabillion dollars on them. Sure you can get the thirty-second preview clip for free, but then you’d miss important plot and character development. Incidentally (and ironically), the closet thing to real “porno” that South Carolina politics has seen in recent years actually came from the very candidate who’s now running the ads attacking us. “Bits of Lace,” anyone? Ummm … that’s a negative ghost rider …
Comments
By b fort on June 6th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
I was led by senator ceips to believe there was porn on this website. what the hell?
By stupid post on June 6th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Seriously, Tyler Durden and The Superficial post all of this same crap before you do. It blows and it is unoriginal. Stick to pretending that you know politics.
By PA RULES! on June 6th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Stop copying posts from The Superficial. Seriously, it wasn’t that funny when it was posted there. It isn’t even close to funny when you copy another site’s post. I enjoy your site, but if I want Hollywood gossip, I’ll go to thesuperficial.com or wwtdd.com. The morons in SC may not be able to figure out that you are ripping off other websites, but I have watched silently as you have filled space by stealing ideas and pics from across the net. Your political commentary is interesting; stick with it. Don’t waste or attempt to fill space by stealing content. You are a carpetbagging idiot. I don’t care how long you’ve been a USC fan. Just because a cat is born in an oven don’t make it a biscuit. Your dad only makes $105,000 as a prof. What a monumental waste of all that ivy education. That would be a decent wage if he were under 50, but that is peanuts for an old man. My dad made more defending our country in the armed services with a BA from a directional state university and he didn’t waste all of that money on tuition. Maybe he should have put some of that ivy learnin’ to good use making a wage comparable to his education? Maybe you and pops should retreat back to PA? At least that will put you closer to your financier: Uncle Howie Rich.
By Cal on June 7th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Wow, a lot of arrogant jerks leave comments on this blog.
By shallow on June 11th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Holy crap, what the hell is that thing?! Whatever it is, it’s one of the ugliest I’ve ever seen. There ought to be a law against posting photos of it before it’s been properly airbrushed, been dunked in a silo of makeup, and had its nast greasy roots dyed! It goes without saying it also needs to be sanitized, but I can’t imagine what that would take. As far as those hardened, dried up, splitting melons in its shirt, what are they? Is Anderson’s plastic sugeon’s office on Three Mile Island? Please, keep those things locked up and throw away the key! This critter needs to be out of the public and running on its habitrail until some grimy porno artist lassos it in and works some magic. YIKES!
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