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Spencer Pratt Is Our Hero

By fitsnews • on March 26, 2008

CAKE BOY DISHES THE WISDOM IN “YO SPENCER” ADVICE COLUMN

FITSNews - March 26, 2008 - Sure Spencer Pratt is a cake boy, but thanks to the miracle of faux reality television there are a few straight guys out there who are dumb enough to be jealous of him for his relationship (editor’s note: cough ) with faux-breasted beauty Heidi Montag. Anyway, the point of all that is Spencer is precisely the kind of person who should have his own advice column (called YO SPENCER!), because God forbid people be denied this sage wisdom:

Q: YO SPENCER! I just started dating this guy who I really like. The other night, we went out and got hammered. I ended up passing out in his bed. When I woke up, I discovered that I had wet the bed. I was so embarrassed that I left while he was still asleep. If I call him, do I have to apologize or can I pretend it never happened? Or do I have to wait for him to call me?

A: Wow! This is a situation you do not want to find yourself in. I personally would never want to be with a girl who gets so wasted that she’s pissing in bed. It’s time to sign up for AA, my dear, because drunks are not sexy. Regardless, if the guy’s really, really, really cool, he might understand. But I wouldn’t count on it. Best bet is to be honest and tell him that was the drunkest you’ve ever been and that it was a huge mistake and it’ll never happen again. And make sure you buy him new sheets.

BZZZZZZ!!!! WRONG!!! Are you kidding us? Seriously, this advice is so obviously written by a homosexual it’s not even funny. The answer to this poor woman’s dilemma should have been obvious - push the drunk dude into the wet spot, make a beeline back to your crib to change clothes and the leave him a nasty message saying you don’t date bed-wetters. Problem solved!

UPDATE - We almost forgot, if you want a piece of Spencer’s wisdom, e-mail him at spencer@radaronline.com. We’re personally looking forward to getting some pointers on performing fellatio.