Mariah Carey Is Available

SINGER SUBBING FOR SICK JANET … ERR, SICK MISS JACKSON (IF YOU’RE NASTY)

FITSNews – March 12, 2008 – In some of the most utterly unshocking news we’ve heard lately, Mariah Carey is the emergency Saturday Night Live replacement this weekend for Janet Jackson, who is apparently sick with fat-itis … which we’ve just been told is fancy medical mumbo jumbo for the flu. Jackson was rushed to the hospital over this alleged “flu” the other night, as a matter of fact. From Tyler Durden:

I’ve had the flu more than once in my life, and several times I’ve treated it with medicine that has a purple hippo on the label. I guess famous people get a different kind of flu, because more often than not it seems they get rushed to the hospital for it, much as you would if you had shark on your arm or fell out of a plane.

Wow. We so love that guy … Funniest. Website. Ever. Anyway, fortunately for those of us who like a little “skinny” with our has-been entertainers, Mariah Carey was available to fill in for Miss Jackson. And why wouldn’t she be? We can’t imagine that promoting her new EMC2 album is keeping her all that busy, seeing as this isn’t 1998.

Seriously, Saturday Night Live might as well start randomly plucking people from behind the counter at Starbucks to host their show. Those people are pretty perked up all the time for some reason, and we’re going to go out on a limb and guess that Mariah Carey’s new album won’t be appearing on their shelves anytime soon.