SIXTEEN YEAR-OLD JAPANESE FLAMETHROWER? OR BASEBALL CARD HOAX?
FITSNews – March 3, 2008 – Since State Reps. Nathan Ballentine and Mick Mulvaney were kind enough to allocate several kabillion dollars in the state budget to the “S.C. National Pastime Preservation Act” (a.k.a. Sic Willie‘s baseball card habit), we’ve been scooping up valuable vintage and present day baseball cards like our lives depended on it. And why not? You’re paying for it, people.
Actually, we’re kidding, because Lord knows those two lawmakers pucker up tighter than fresh fish in the jailhouse shower at the mere mention of the word “state funding.” Which is what we love about them. Well that and their ripped bodies. Anyway, we did pick up a box of 2008 Topps baseball cards the other day (editor’s note: not on the taxpayer dime), in which we found a curious Kazuo Uzuki card, a “Future Star” offering of some supposed sixteen-year-old kid phenom that’s currently selling for about $15 on E-Bay. Here’s the description of Uzuki from the back of his card:
Already being called “The Uzi” by some for his 104 MPH fastball, Kaz will be the first Japan-based high-schooler to jump straight to professional baseball in America when he graduates in 2009. “He is, hands down, the best pitching prospect I’ve seen in 30 years,” said one MLB scout. And one unnamed American League GM said, “The contract this kid is going to get will be astronomical.” At age fourteen, he was the youngest player invited to the WBC squad trials and – though he was cut on the last day – he made a lasting impression with his 17 Ks in 7 innings of work during intrasquad matches.
Hmmmm … since the fastest arm in the major leagues currently belongs to Detroit Tigers’ fireballer Joel Zumaya (104 MPH, allegedly), we find it highly suspicious that a kid who has yet to exit puberty is throwing the ball anywhere near that fast. Plus, we don’t care if you’re an infant, if you strike out 17 batters in only seven innings of work there’s no way in hell you’re going to get cut – unless of course you were striking out infants. Sensing a hoax, we did a Google search on this kid and there’s absolutely no record of his existence, well, other than his baseball card. And yes, this is what we’ve been doing all day …
By Rotoman March 3, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Sid Finch, all the way, baby.
By old bike dude March 3, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Joe Nuxhall would get out of his grave just to vagina punch this kid.
Hasn’t been this much bs blowin’ out of Japan sice August of ’45.
Jus sayin’
By BKLYNONE March 23, 2008 at 8:22 am
HAVE YOU TRIED CONTACTING TOPPS. I HAVE WITH THE BUCK PASSED ON TO SEVERAL PEOPLE WITH NO ANSWER. WHAT GIVES WITH TOPPS ARE THEY THAT STUPID TO KEEP DOING THIS. PEOPLE SPEND REAL MONEY ON PROSPECTS. GIVE US AN ANSWER