Yer Mouthbreathin’ Knuckledragger Of The Week
YOU’RE DUMBER FOR KNOWING THEM, PEOPLE
FITSNews - February 26, 2008 - After recovering from the initial IQ loss that accompanied our listening to Spartanburg, S.C. Rep. Keith Kelly’s wholesale demolition of the English language the other day, we actually managed to crawl out of the synaptic sludge and come up with a pretty creative idea. At least we think so. Which is pretty amazing when you stop and think about it, because our bet is that if you spent an hour on Kelly’s You Tube page, you’d officially be too stupid to live. Seriously people, respiration requires brain waves. As does your heartbeat.
Anyway, our idea was to create a new weekly feature here on FITSNews called “Yer Mouthbreathin’ Knuckledragger of the Week,” which will chronicle the timeless redneck wisdom of the ass-backward Bocephuses who currently run “thangs” in the South Carolina General Assembly. We’ll select one of these ignoramuses each week, and present the winner with a rebel flag bandana, a free subscription to Southern Partisan magazine and a can of Kodiak for their trouble.
Coincidentally, the inaugural recipient of the “Yer Mouthbreathin’ Knuckledragger of the Week” award is none other than the inspiration for the award himself, Rep. Keith Kelly. Something tells us he’ll win it more than a few times, particularly after reading his comments in the Woodruff (S.C.) News last week …
Speaking out against the proposed consolidation of school districts in Spartanburg County, Kelly said:
It’s not broken, folks, and let’s don’t fix it.
How mellifluously sublime, Representative! Lord, we do declay-ah! Let’s don’t fix it. Let’s don’t fix it, indeed!
Kelly followed that potent oratory with the keenly insightful (and highly original) observation that “one size does not fit all,” which we think is pretty ironic considering he’s never met a school choice bill he didn’t try to sink like the Titanic.
Anyway, congrats to Rep. Kelly … and be sure to check back in next week for another weiner.
Comments
By T. Williams on February 26th, 2008 at 7:48 am
That’s me on the left. I had drunk probably 35 beers.
By Bo Burdette on February 26th, 2008 at 8:28 am
Easy on Kodiak, FITS. “The Bear” rotted my mouth for ten years straight, and I still miss it.
To quickly clarify, in pluralizing “Bocephus,” is “Bocephuses” or “Bocephi” correct? I always get the rules mixed up.
– Bo Burdette
By Tim on February 26th, 2008 at 10:54 am
great article. When are Republicans going to stop doing Bill Clinton imitations to convince people that THEIR big spending solutions are better than the Dems? The House GOP’ers, like too many Republicans, definitely have a greater deficiency of brains than heart.
By Mike Champion on February 26th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
I’ll take common sense over oratory expertise any time. At least Rep. Kelly has the common sense to see that bigger government is bad and that control needs to stay with local communities and not state and federal governments that are only interested in feeding their power hungry appetites. Good Job Rep. Kelly!
By G.L. on February 26th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
So local school boards feeding their powerful hungry appetites with new taxes each year while showing virtually no improvement are better? If all 7 of Spartanburg’s school districts were combined to money how would the state and federal government be getting anything? If Greenville can get by with one district, then every other county with multiple districts could consolidate to save money.
By M. Champion on February 27th, 2008 at 8:08 am
Money is not everything. There is much more involved here.
On the money issue though, look at the facts and figures. Bigger is not in all cases better and most certainly NOT in the instance of Spartanburg County.
Spartanburg County is one of the most frugal in the state as well as being very good at the results gotten for monies spent. Check the record for yourself, you’ll see. The supposed savings, if truly there are any, pale in comparison to the benefits of the current system.
That’s IF we truly have the best interest of the children at heart. Can the supporters of the two bills for consolidation truly say and prove they have the childrens best interest at the heart of their arguements? I dare say NO.
Pertaining to the local school boards, at least at the local level you have a voice. How much voice do you as a local resident really have when things are controlled by the State or Federal Government? Little to none.
Is “getting by” as one District good enough? We here in Spartanburg County think not. What MAY be right for one is not necessarily right for another. It’s called individualism and is something we’re unfortunately losing rapidly in America.
We have got to stop letting our individual and community freedom get taken away by our State and Federal Governments. Once it’s gone, we won’t get it back easily, if at all.
So back to the original purpose of this thread.
Congrats Rep. Kelly on being chosen a “Mouthbreakin Knuckledragger of the Week” by standing up for our individual freedom to choose a solid, effective, local education system over a bloated, politically motivated, unpersonal system.
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