It’s About That Time

SANTANA EMERGING AS CONSENSUS TOP CHOICE IN GREAT SANTINI LEAGUE DRAFT

FITSNews – February 21, 2008 – In case you’re new to this blog, we write about our founding editor’s fantasy baseball team – the FITS Fartknockers – all the time. Why? Because for some reason, people can’t seem to get enough of Sic Willie‘s scrappy, never-say-die squad of chronic overachievers. In fact, last year’s improbable rise (and epic collapse) of the Fartknocker franchise tugged at the heartstrings of literally millions of people. If not kabillions of people.

Anyway, with the annual Great Santini League Draft looming on the horizon, we figured now was as good a time as any to ease back into our coverage of America’s most celebrated fantasy baseball team.

Specifically, this year’s draft could be a “back to the future” moment for our founding editor, as New York Mets’ pitcher Johan Santana is clearly emerging as the consensus No. 1 pick. Sic Willie chose Santana first overall in the 2005 draft, back when the lefty ace was still pitching for the Minnesota Twins, although according to Santini lore he did so while hunched over a toilet seat in Cherry Grove, S.C. – violently purging his system from a night of raucous strip club debauchery.

Needless to say, the Fartknockers did not make the playoffs that year, although a sober Sic drafted playoff teams in both 2006 and 2007, and nearly won the most coveted trophy in all of sports last season (yeah, #%&* you, Ryan Dempster).

Anyway, we’re not bitter about our last-second collapse, in fact our team doctor says that Sic’s suicidal tendencies are diminishing with each passing day.

Of course getting to the top of the mountain will be an arduous climb this year, as the 2008 Santini League boasts several new owners, including three prominent members of the South Carolina political establishment. This infusion of new talent – combined with the return of the league’s heaviest manager (a.k.a. the “Moses of Bourbon Street”) - guarantees that the upcoming season will be even more competitive than the year a certain owner won the title from the friendly confines of the Betty Ford Clinic.

Errors will be magnified. Rivalries exacerbated. And Draft Eve bong hits could prove hazardous to your health in more ways than one.

But at the heart of fantasy sports is a kinship that truly transcends anything else our cynical, ad-plastered, rat race of a world has to offer – real friends, real fun and the chance to dream really big dreams, even if they are eventually shattered in gut-wrenching fashion by that rag arm Tom Glavine and some asshole Cubs’ relief pitcher who shouldn’t have even been on the mound the last day of the regular season.

But again, we’re not bitter. And we’re sure the rash we’ve had since last September is destined to clear up any day now.

If you don’t already participate in a fantasy baseball league, we’d encourage you to get together with some friends and give it a shot, although rest assured we’ll be giving you every opportunity again this year to live vicariously through ours.

Fartknocker fans of the world, it’s about that time …