OUR COUNTRY TIS OF THEE, LAND OF INSANITY
FITSNews – February 13, 2008 – We have no way of knowing whether America’s founding fathers can see what we’re up to these days or not. But if they could, our bet is that days like this one would absolutely blow their minds.
Seriously, they’d be like friggin’ infants – gazing wide-eyed and open-mouthed at all the new technology we’ve perfected, the social evolution we’ve experienced, the breathtaking speed at which we all move (with the notable exception of South Carolina), the strange things that occupy our time … and, of course, the distance we’ve traveled in so many ways from the society they originally envisioned for us. To wit:
SPIES LIKE US – The founders, for example, wouldn’t know what an airplane was, or what a skyscraper was, or what a television, telephone or teletubby (let alone a telecom conglomerate) was. So the news that post-9/11 domestic spying took a huge step forward yesterday thanks to the granting of eavesdropping immunity for telecoms would no doubt completely bewilder them. Sort of like it bewilders a nation that isn’t paying attention to Congressional legislation on telecom immunity, but is paying attention to …
PARIS HILTON’S WHACK FAMILY – We’re pretty sure the founders would have been cool with Paris Hilton (at least prior to the rash setting in), but all these three-letter designations her generation has created for practically everything under the sun would definitely freak them out. For example, the whole STD thing with Paris, or the whole DUI thing with her brother Barron, which was all the rage on pop gossip sites today. STD, DUI, BFF, FYI, BTW, LOL, WTF? All of that would be TMI for the founders, people …
SPIES CAN BE PATRIOTS, TOO? – While the smart money says the founders would be naturally disposed to liking the New England Patriots, we find it hard to believe they would condone the sort of spying the Pats got busted for last September. Apparently Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter – whose home-state Steelers got thumped by New England just prior to the playoffs - doesn’t condone it either. In fact, he’s meeting tomorrow with the NFL commissioner to discuss the one form of domestic spying Congress evidently frowns upon. Throw the book at ‘em, Arlen!
A WELL-REGULATED MILITIA – Lots of people (including the founders) have debated the right to bear arms, but the U.S. Marines just bear them – and for past 232 years they’ve been bleeding on battlefields all over the world to protect our nation’s most basic freedoms (editor’s note: sound off like you’ve got a pair, people). Yet for some reason America’s most elite soldiering outfit isn’t welcome in Berkeley, California, where the City Council recently passed a resolution calling the local Marine Corps recruiting officers “uninvited and unwelcome intruders.” In case you were wondering, the advocacy group that’s pushing the Council’s hostility to the Jarheads is an anti-war feminist group called Code Pink. Yeah, our money’s on the Marines, too …
Oh yeah, the founding fathers might also find it interesting that the current frontrunner for the Presidency of these here United States is a guy their constitution would’ve classified as “three-fifths” a human being … which just for the record, we don’t think is insane, but rather a healthy thing for our country. Even if we disagree with practically everything he stands for …
By b February 13, 2008 at 8:59 am
you disagree with everything he stands for? Yeah, being positive is tough for you Republicans. I understand that any statement that is not negative and hateful is just not reality…Oh and the other sad thing is that not only would the founding fathers consider him 3/5 human being, you and everyone else in this backwards state believes the same. After all, yall are “strict constructionists”, except for that whole Congress declaring war thing. Also, changing the subject to your tremendous local coverage. You are really wearing out the whole “Komrade”, “La Socialista” shtick. Dont call your fellow Republicans Kommies just because your state Re”pube”lican party is so segmented and confused they couldn’t agree on which day of the week it is.
Oh and your criticism of “La Socialista”…other than the last governor’s election, El Republica has endorsed the Republican for governor for the last 35 years, but nice try.
By fitsnews February 13, 2008 at 9:19 am
“b” -
You are definitely a lower-case kind of thinker.
We wear out the Kommie thing because it happens to be an accurate ideological critique of state government. And La Socialista, well that’s just funny.
As for us being “racist,” we’ll be happy to forward you all of the “n—er lover” e-mails that we received from dumbass racist rednecks here in SC when we (again, accurately) selected Gilda Cobb-Hunter as the single most powerful politician in the state.
The sad thing is that the more that dipshits like you try and pull grade-school garbage like this to try and discredit us, the smarter we look and the stronger we get.
But keep at it, man. We’ve got no problem eating your lunch.
-FITSNews
By b February 13, 2008 at 10:54 am
I dont think you would want to eat my lunch…i eat pretty healthy…and judging from recent photographs, you probably wouldnt want to slow your path to obesity…You sounded pretty angry in your post…i must have struck a chord…I don’t think i said anything to discredit you, i enjoy reading your site, calm down…However, i would like to know what you totally disagree about BO? Dont say spending money, because YOUR president that you voted for twice has spent enough money to last a few decades. Just remember, any “expensive” plan BO presents probably costs the same as the US spending 1 hour in I-Vegas. But seriously calm down…whats the problem? bad hair day?? oh yeah, i forgot.