THE BEST REVENGE IS EATING WELL FITSNews - December 12, 2007 - Ever since FITSNews started blowing up like the crack man's pager this year, we've been bombared with interview requests and PR pitches from around the globe. Apparently, all those wankers in grad school who said that Sic Willie would
Read story »Archive for December, 2007
Crazy Computers
WE'RE HAVING SOME TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES TODAY, PEOPLE FITSNews - December 12, 2007 - We told Sic Willie that buying a "Computer-In-A-Pumpkin" probably wasn't a good idea, but as you can see from the picture above he didn't listen. Apparently, he's got some bizarre Whittaker Chambers fetish or something. Anyway,
Read story »Snowball Fight!
GOVERNOR, SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE GO AT EACH OTHER IN NEW VIDEO FITSNews - December 11, 2007 - The same cinematic geniuses who brought you the drag-dancing Budget & Control Board and "Sanford Slaughter" videos are back - this time with a holiday-themed snowball fight between South Carolina's top politicians. You
Read story »The Island Packet Gets It
AND WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT SIC WILLIE'S NEW 32-FOOT SAILBOAT FITSNews - December 11, 2007 - While it may not be as flashy as the 155-foot superyacht "Themis," there's just something about getting a good deal on a late 90's model Island Packet that pleases our founding editor Sic Willie's already cheerful
Read story »Just Build Your Fence And Shut Up Already
REPUBLICANS ARE SUCH PANDERERS FITSNews - December 11, 2007 - If South Carolinians think the pandering of the 2008 Republican presidential candidates on the immigration issue has been intense, they ain't seem nada yet. That's because once the presidential circus leaves the Palmetto State in January,
Read story »Egg-Tooth Opposes A Spending Request? WTF?
THIS IS A FIRST, PEOPLE FITSNews - December 11, 2007 - We couldn't believe it either, but South Carolina's free-spending Ways & Means Chairman Dan "Egg-tooth" Cooper has actually found something he doesn't want to spend your money on. And of course, it totally figures that it's something worthwhile
Read story »Come To Butthead
WE ARE OFFICIALLY KICKING OURSELVES NOW FOR NOT ATTENDING OPRAHBAMARAMA FITSNews - December 11, 2007 - In what has obviously turned out to be the worst editorial decision in FITSNews' brief history (our one year anniversary is this Sunday, people), Sic Willie and the FITS gals foolishly declined an
Read story »There Is Hope For Us All
EVEN YOU, SIC WILLIE FITSNews - December 11, 2007 - We're gonna go out a limb and guess that the bug-eyed dude in the picture above is either a demonic sorcerer, multigazillionaire or incredibly reliable porn star. In fact, he's probably all three of those things. Because short of that (or some advancement
Read story »Scientists Can Turn Fruit Flies Queer
IT'S ALL IN THE NAME OF DISCOVERY, PEOPLE FITSNews - December 10, 2007 - As much as we wish we were making this story up, researchers at the University of Illinois at Chicago really did announce today that they've figured out a way to isolate the sexuality gene in fruit flies and turn it either "on"
Read story »Carol Of The Bells = Worst Christmas Song EVER
JUST SLIT OUR WRISTS NOW FITSNews - December 10, 2007 - We love us some Christmas here at FITSNews. Almost as much as we love Kwaanza, as a matter of fact. Something about singing all the happy songs takes us back to a simpler time - a time when we were innocent little girls rushing happily downstairs
Read story »Tom Brady Has A Potty Mouth
PRETTY BOY QUARTERBACK DOESN'T WANT HIS MOMMA TO READ ALL ABOUT IT FITSNews - December 10, 2007 - It must be nice to cuss like a sailor on the football field and then show up like the "Fonz" in a black leather jacket for the post-game press conference, acting all sheepish and cute, talking about how
Read story »More Trouble For Fairfield County Superintendent
SUPERINTENDENT'S LIEUTENANT UNDER INVESTIGATION IN ALABAMA FITSNews - December 10, 2007 - It's been nearly two months since we were first introduced to the rock 'em sock 'em world of Fairfield County politics ... and if things stay this interesting, we may not cover anything else. It all started back
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