Their Wish Is Our Command
ALL THE NEWS THAT’S “FITS” TO PRINT ABOUT LUKE RANKIN’S PRIMARY CHALLENGER
FITSNews - December 19, 2007 - We think it’s kinda cute how the Warren Tompkins Online Syndicate is starting to refer to our little website as the “Governor’s Office” and Sic Willie as the “Governor’s Spokesman.” Sure it’s just the latest attempt to blunt the international juggernaut that is FITSNews (and discredit our resident genius in the process), but whatever. It’s got a nice ring to it, and we’ll be sure to note the irony every time we kick the actual governor’s office in the balls for something.
We’ll also continue doing our best to answer their questions about electoral challenges to incumbent politicians, like the one faced by Myrtle Beach’s Luke “I Am Your Father” Rankin - the handsome State Senator with unimpeachable ethics and a slavish devotion to the best interests of his bank account constituents.
Which brings us to George Killian, the guy who according to The (Myrtle Beach) Sun News is running against the party-switching Senator in the June 2008 GOP primary. Actually, we’re not even sure if his name is “George.” It might be Gervais Killian. Or Gene Killian. Or Gertrude, if you please.
What we do know is that Mr. Killian could be an inanimate object like a brick or a non-stick multi-loaf pan and he’d be a better choice for State Senate than Luke Rankin. Seriously, you could put a dead battery on the ballot opposite this opportunistic, self-serving flake and we’d endorse it.
After all, our guess is that battery wouldn’t have been one of only two “Republican” Senators to vote against a job-creating income tax cut back in 2004, which Rankin did just weeks after he decided to, um, “become” a Republican.
We’re also guessing a dead battery wouldn’t have scored a 1.6 (out of 100) on a 2007 legislative scorecard put out by the S.C. Business and Industry Political Education Committee (BIPEC). The battery probably would’ve just gotten an “incomplete” as opposed to voting against pro-growth reforms 98.4% of the time, which Rankin did.
There’s also no way a dead battery would’ve fought tooth-and-nail to preserve a fundamentally-flawed workers’ comp system that was screwing South Carolina businesses to the tune of a quarter billion dollars over the last four years, while at the same time raking in a cool $659,200 off of judgements awarded by that flawed system (not to mention thousands in “thank you” campaign contributions from fellow workers’ comp attorneys).
Nope, a dead battery definitely wouldn’t have done any of that.
Oh, and since Warren Tompkins‘ boys brought it up, could the fact that their boss represents Senator Rankin and his buddies over at the Association of SC Claimants Attorneys have anything to do with their keen interest in his race?
We’re just sayin’ … because those fat special interest paychecks might take a bit of a dip if you guys lose one of your most important stool pigeons.
Anyway, you morons asked for our thoughts. And while we’re sorry we don’t know more about Mr. Killian, we hope this latest “don’t f*ck with Sic Willie” lesson has been educational.
Class dismissed, people.
Comments
By Tim on December 19th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
hell yeah! Man, this site gets cooler by the second. So, let me see if I can rant without messing it all up… Would be flattered to see what Sic thinks of my comments on TPS today (scroll down to the bottom): http://www.palmettoscoop.com/2007/12/16/endorsing-john-mccain/.
I assume the official spokesman for the governor’s office knows what pals Sanford was in Congress with one particular candidate for president… arms are open for an endorsement…
By Mr. on December 19th, 2007 at 2:37 pm
I think Killian used to be on the state board of education.
By Rankin's Stankin on December 19th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
George Killian made beer. This guy is Greg Killian and I hope he kicks leftist Luke Rankin’s ASS.
By Fidel Castro on December 19th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
There are Republicans in the Senate? Hmmm. I didn’t know that. I remember there being one or two. Maybe a half-dozen. Thanks for the enlightenment, FITSNews. Wow. Republicans in the Senate. Who would have thought.
By the way. I’m dead. My government hasn’t announced it yet because I’m not around to authorize it.
By Harden Gervais on December 19th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Seriously – anybody who thinks you’re somehow not getting paid by one of the Governor’s front groups evidently does not read this site.
By fitsnews on December 19th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
Mr. Gervais,
Keep repeating it and maybe it’ll come true … in your head, at least.
Amazingly, the governor’s people aren’t that keen on taking our criticism as it relates to any number of subjects.
As a result we don’t think we’d be even near the top of the pay list for Sanford’s “front groups,” particularly the one we exposed last year in a story that got picked up statewide by the Associated Press, among others. Of course that’s just one of many badda-booms we’ve broken off on His Excellency here at FITSNews.
Seriously, search “Mark Sanford” on this site and you’ll see he takes it up the backside just as much as the next politician.
More importantly, anything these fools paid us would amount to little more than a month’s interest on our sizable holdings.
As Dostoevsky once wrote, “when I have money, I shall be a highly original man.”
Well, we’re original as sh*t, baby!
-FITSNews
P.S. - You should feel free in spite of this, however, to continue searching for that elusive tool with which to discredit us.
By Harden Gervais on December 19th, 2007 at 9:52 pm
“Elusive tool?”
We think the “tool,” in this case, is not so elusive.
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