Fatty Fights Back
THE BEST REVENGE IS EATING WELL
FITSNews - December 12, 2007 - Ever since FITSNews started blowing up like the crack man’s pager this year, we’ve been bombared with interview requests and PR pitches from around the globe. Apparently, all those wankers in grad school who said that Sic Willie would never amount to anything were … nevermind. They’re still right.
Anyway, we got an interesting pitch from one of these big badass New York PR firms the other day for Southern Beauty magazine, which we’re guessing caters to all those people who wished they looked like we do. Sex appeal, honesty and humilty? Check, check and check, baby!
Unfathomably, though, the editors of Southern Beauty decided to put Jennifer Love Hewitt on their inaugural magazine cover. Of course much more fathomably they decided to photograph her from the chest up. Which makes sense not only from a simple spacial standpoint (you can’t fit the Queen Mary 2 in a Madison Avenue studio, people), but from Jennifer’s recent criticism of “invasive pictures from bad angles” being responsible for her, um, pear-shaped physique.
We especially liked the personal postscript added to this particular PR pitch, which read:
Amidst all the misguided and mean-spirited controversy surrounding Jennifer Love Hewitt and her enviable body, we at Southern Beauty just want to say we think our holiday cover girl looks GREAT!
We agree, so long as she’s standing in front of one of those carnival mirrors that’s calibrated to make a person look like an hourglass.
Of course the upside to all of this is that a very nice woman named Meredith (who’s actually from South Carolina) sent us the e-mail, which of course spawned one of Sic Willie’s legendary e-flirtation campaigns designed at exploiting the latent bi-curiosity inherent in one woman calling another woman’s body “enviable,” even if everybody knows there are mobile homes cruising down the Interstate right now that take up less lane space than Jennifer’s ba-dam.
A boy can dream, though, people. A boy can dream …
Comments
By Tim on December 12th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
“Southern Beauty”? I’m surprised anybody noticed that she’s from Kentucky.
By max on December 12th, 2007 at 2:54 pm
Kentucky is a border state.
not southern.
By Believe It Not on December 12th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
Snowman snot is more interesting that sic(k) willie these days. If only we had some. Global warming has us so toasty these days all through the winter. Watch Al Gore’s movie.
We have a question for sic(k) willie. When the arctic ice caps melt from global warming and the seas rise to the top of the State House dome, will sic(k) willie float? Or, will he sink to the bottom like…
By Darrell Jenkins on December 13th, 2007 at 2:16 pm
#2
I agree. Kentucky = Ohio.
By anon on December 13th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
she is from texas
By Darrell Jenkins on December 14th, 2007 at 9:06 am
texas = BIG gay sex.
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