Hold The Pepper Spray

MORE BEAUTY PAGEANT DRAMA

FITSNews - December 3, 2007 - When we compete in beauty pageants, it’s pretty much understood that attempting to interfere with our gorgeousness is an act that will be met with swift death. That’s because our gowns, shoes and brushes are guarded 24-7 by a team of Navy SEALS, and all of our make-up (especially our favorite cherry-flavored lip gloss) is fingerprint activated so that only we can apply it.

Miss Puerto Rico, on the other hand, seems to have had some security problems with her pageant paraphernalia. Or did she? Gossip website TMZ is now reporting that Ingrid Rivera’s claims to have been “pepper sprayed” at the Miss Puerto Rico contest last month don’t add up with the evidence. Specifically, the lack of pepper spray.

San Juan police tests have found no traces of pepper spray in Miss Puerto Rico’s belongings … The Caribbean Island’s Forensic Sciences Institute tested Ingrid Rivera’s brush and gown, and neither contained traces of pepper spray.

Hmmmm … we’re going to have to defer judgment on this matter pending the outcome of tests performed at the FITSNews’ forensic science lab, but we’re fairly certain that if Miss Puerto Rico agrees to an eighth-grade makeout session with Sic Willie, that our tests will conclusively prove whatever she wants them to prove. Frankly, our advice to beauty pageant participants everywhere is to stick with what works - playing dumb and making out with other girls.