… WAS JUST A SILLY LITTLE RUMOR, PEOPLE
FITSNews – November 26, 2007 – It turns out that some prominent South Carolina politicos have been getting their jollies by misleading impressionable female lobbyists into believing that FITSNews was busy preparing an exhaustive list of MILFs, or “Moms I’d Like To Fahrvergnügen.” We’re not going to point the finger at any one person specifically, except to say that the ringleader of this ruse is someone who works in the Senate President‘s office. Someone whose name may or may not be John Hazzard. Or more precisely, is John Hazzard.
Anyway, we’d like to take this opportunity to reassure all the girls Sic’s loved before MILFish lobbyists out there that no such list is forthcoming, well, provided no paternity suits are headed our founding editor‘s way.
In that case all bets are off, people.
Truth is, Sic’s MILF list is reserved for one person (and one person only), the irrepressibly-gorgeous 49-year-old actress Linda Fiorentino (above). In fact, right now in his dreams the two of them are, to borrow some poetry from David Lowery, relaxing at Sic’s place in the colonies, playing croquet behind white-washed walls and drinking their tea at 4:00. Later on she’ll serve him mashed potatoes (and peppered steak – with corn) as she whispers in his ear all her favorite fruit.
UPDATE – Before John Hazzard gets in too much trouble with his wife, we’d like to thank him for being such a good sport in our overactive imaginations.
By Woody November 26, 2007 at 6:24 pm
what about 9th Circuit deputy solicitor and circuit court candidate Kristi Harrington?
By Believe It Not November 26, 2007 at 8:59 pm
sic(k) [lower case] willie, you are such an “overactive fruit.” All of us who know you so well are totally aware that you’re a male lesbian. A list like that would drive you insane. You would not know what to do with it!
By Believe It Not November 26, 2007 at 9:02 pm
But, it you decide to publish that list, we’d appreciate the professional courtesy of an advance copy. Send it to us at xxx@xxxx.com. :)
By FITSNews November 26, 2007 at 10:20 pm
BIN-
That’s an inventive e-mail address … and we love your smiley faces.
Also, we wholeheartedly concur that Sic is a male lesbian. In fact, we’ve got a Nancy Drew book and a cereal decoder ring for you here at the office whenever you want to drop by and pick up your junior detective prizes.
Oh, and whenever you decide to provide us with a real e-mail address as opposed to bouncing anonymous e-mails all over five continents, we’ll be glad to hook you up with the list.
-FITSNews
By Bully November 26, 2007 at 11:37 pm
Harrington’s HOT!