Carrie Underwood Is The Big Weiner

STAR SCORES BIG AT COUNTRY MUSACK AWARDS

FITSNews – November 8, 2007 – It was sometime during Brooks & Dunn’s performance at last night’s Country Music Awards that we realized we officially hate country music. Seriously, we’re glad country musicians “ha-waun-a-wauna-saumthin-saumthin” or whatever friggin’ foreign “twanguage” it is that they sing in, but with the notable exception of Johnny Cash, you can sum up the entire musical genre in two words. “Redneck” and “humpin’.”

Yeah, we know there are a lot of people out there with a deep connection to country musack, but most of those people can’t spell “connection.” Let alone “deep.”

Seriously, sometimes the rednecks are humpin’ in trucks. Sometimes they’re humpin’ at niiite. Sometimes they’re humpin’ at the barnyard. Sometimes they’re humpin’ after fiiites. Sometimes, when the mood is riiite, they’re humpin’ in a truck in the rain at the barnyard on a moonlit niiite, justa tryin’ to see the liiite. Sometimes loves grow cold, sometimes stars shine briiite. All we wanna know is are you gonna hump us in a truck in the rain by the barnyard on a moonlit niiite.

We just wrote that lil diddy for ya’lls, by the way, and it’s already been nominated for like eleventy kabillion CMA awards …