Sic Drops Out, Endorses Stephen Colbert
HIS OWN EXCESSIVE CAMPAIGN BURN RATE, COLBERT’S “TRUTHINESS” COMPELS SIC WILLIE’S DECISION
FITSNews – October 18, 2007 – We know a lot of politicos are focusing on another candidate’s decision to drop out of the presidential race, but the real news related to the South Carolina presidential primary is that our very own Sic Willie has decided to end his presidential bid and endorse the candidacy of Comedy Central host and native South Carolinian Stephen Colbert.
After raising just $18.34 in over nine months (and blowing $16.73 of it at Adrianna’s Coffee House), Sic Willie said his campaign’s inability to reach its fundraising goal of eleventy kabillion dollars ultimately convinced him to abandon his bid for the nation’s highest office.
“It is time for me to acknowledge the will of the people,” a tearful Sic Willie told reporters at a hastily-arranged press conference that was held inside his head. “I was ready to fight on the beaches and fight in the skies and all that other stuff, but the money just wasn’t there. Accordingly, I will be throwing my support behind another native South Carolinian, and pledging the remainder of my campaign account – all $1.61 of it – to help elect Stephen Colbert the next President of the United States.”
Comments
By Silence Dogood on October 18th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Ah hah! Gotcha!!! And you kept claiming to all those nay-sayers you “weren’t affiliated with a campaign,” well, well, well it looks like they had you pegged after all, trying to tear down all the front runners just so Colbert could sweep both fields…I am really surprised at you FITS!
By Don Johnson on October 18th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Crud. Who am I going to vote for now?
Colbert as nominee from both parties? NOW we’re talking.
By Hmmm on October 18th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Now, if only your man McCain would follow suit.
By Newspaper Hack on October 18th, 2007 at 10:51 pm
But, you’re in a pickle. Colbert has to pay tens of thousands of dollars to be on the Republican ballot, but should be on the Democratic ballot by the end of business on Friday. Unless Doritos ponies up the sponsor money, you’ll have to vote for Colbert the Democrat, Mac.
On another note, do you know how fucked up this will be? I almost think that enough people will turn up to the Democratic primary to vote for Colbert that he’ll take the state. That will be some wild shit.
By Annette on October 19th, 2007 at 9:35 am
i’d vote for colbert in the democratic primary. all my friends are democrats and they help me a lot by telling me what votes to cast.
By Mole Momma on October 20th, 2007 at 12:23 am
So, you’re sensitive about the moles?
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