HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GEEZER FITSNews - September 26, 2007 - Although viewed by many powerful Palmetto politicos as a "date which will live in infamy," the occasion of Sic Willie's 33rd birthday today is reportedly being celebrated with a bang over in Myanmar. Nonetheless, our founding editor was awakened
Read story »Archive for September, 2007
Another Sh*tty Ranking For South Carolina
PALMETTO STATE LEADS THE NATION IN VIOLENT CRIME FITSNews - September 26, 2007 - South Carolina is the most violent state in the nation according to the FBI, and two South Carolina cities (Sumter and Florence) rank among the top five violent cities in the nation. Once again, here's our surprised face
Read story »Elizabeth Edwards Is Kind Of A Bad Ass
WIFE OF DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE MIXES IT UP WITH HILLARY FITSNews - September 25, 2007 - Don't get us wrong, we still think John Edwards is an insensitive prick and we wouldn't vote for him if he were on fire ... errr, something like that ... but damn if his wife Elizabeth didn't earn some
Read story »Common Sense Caucus Needs To Step It Up
IF A TREE FALLS IN THE WOODS, DOES ANYBODY HEAR IT? FITSNews - September 25, 2007 - South Carolina's emerging "Common Sense Caucus" faces a year of decision in 2008. As a pitched battle for the heart and soul of the Republican Party wages in dozens of competitive districts outside the State House, the
Read story »Coincidence?
SIC WILLIE'S FACEBOOK TAKEOVER FITSNews - September 24, 2007 - Two weeks after Sic Willie joined the popular social networking website Facebook for the sole purpose of gawking upapologetically at hot college chicks, it turns out the website itself is being eyed lustily by potential suitors. From the
Read story »Thank You, Vanessa Hudgens
FITSNEWS AT A MILLION HITS (AND COUNTING) ... FITSNews - September 24, 2007 - Nevermind that the "ass up" stuffed animal (Eeyore!) in the background of this picture looks infinitely hotter to us than Vanessa Hudgens, or that we've seen pet lizards crawling at us with more sex appeal than this before,
Read story »Americans Are Such Tough Guys
NO LOVE FOR YOU, IRANIAN DUDE FITSNews - September 24, 2007 - So the President of Iran is visiting New York today, and judging from all the tough talk coming from both the egghead left and the rigormortis right you'd think the guy was Satan himself. Anyway, Mahmoud Ahmanidanidingdong (editor's note:
Read story »(Fart) Knock-Knocking On Heaven’s Door …
SIC WILLIE'S CREW CLINGING TO WAFER-THIN LEAD IN GREAT SANTINI CHAMPIONSHIPS FITSNews - September 24, 2007 - With just one week left to go in the Great Santini League fantasy baseball World Series, Sic Willie's upstart FITS Fartknockers are giving the top-seeded "Croon Crew" all they can handle in the
Read story »How Is This Possible?
SPORTS BRAS MUST BE STOPPED, AND WE'RE GONNA STOP 'EM FITSNews - September 24, 2007 - Since we've been tackling hot-button issues like man cleavage and the Simpson sisters lately, we figured it was our job to bring you this picture of Jessica today. Actually, scratch that. Our real job today is going
Read story »Nazi Presidential Nominee Surprised By Ron Paul “Revolution”
S.C.-BASED CANDIDATE SAYS TEXAS CONGRESSMAN SIPHONING "PRO-WHITE" SUPPORT FROM HIS MOVEMENT By Corey Hutchins, Special to FITSNews FITSNews - September 23, 2007 - A presidential long-shot is scoring big with white supremacist voters, although oddly enough it's not their "official candidate." Texas
Read story »Man-Cleavage Olympics Goes Down To The Nipple
SOUTH CAROLINA POLITICOS SWEEP MEDALS AT CONSERVATIVE THINKTANK'S RETREAT FITSNews - September 22, 2007 - Three conservative South Carolina politicos earned medals this weekend at the S.C. Policy Council's annual retreat, a.k.a. the "Man Cleavage Olympics." Sumter Rep. Murrell Smith was a surprise medalist,
Read story »S.C. Politicians Affected By Crib Recall
HOUSE MAJORITY LEADER PARTICULARLY CONCERNED FITSNews - September 21, 2007 - The largest crib recall in American history has several prominent South Carolina politicians wondering where they'll sleep tonight. "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!," said House Majority leader Jimmy Merrill. "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!" Stay
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