How Is This Possible?

SPORTS BRAS MUST BE STOPPED, AND WE’RE GONNA STOP ‘EM

FITSNews - September 24, 2007 - Since we’ve been tackling hot-button issues like man cleavage and the Simpson sisters lately, we figured it was our job to bring you this picture of Jessica today.

Actually, scratch that. Our real job today is going to be figuring out a way to travel back in time so that we can kill the inventors of the sports bra. It’ll be a lot like Terminator, except more heroic. And for a better cause.

Do we have the technology to do it? Probably. We’re dumb as hell here in South Carolina, but believe it or not we actually do have some time machines.

Of course to save the day, we’re going to have to defeat some incredibly diabolical (and technologically-savvy) people. Seriously, how in the hell do you take these and turn them into pancakes? It’s like they crammed the state of Texas into a phone booth. These evil, anti-miracles must stop, people. And we’re going to stop them …

Comments

By mike reino on September 24th, 2007 at 8:16 am

Technology Giveth, and Technology Taketh Away…….

By Dave VanHinkel on September 24th, 2007 at 10:25 am

Amen FITS!

FREE Chestica Simpson’s tah tahs!

Where’s a nonpartisan group asking the candidates about this issue?

Screw the One Campaign and their poverty, this is an international crisis!

By Joe Blow on September 24th, 2007 at 6:22 pm

Hey, We invented the sports bra! Yea, don’t believe me? go to The State’s archives and type in sports bra and Columbia. Neal White says it’s so. Yea Sic, I know you are excited about this plum in your burg’s cap, or should I say, extra nipple on the girl’s …. whatever.