Only In South Carolina

SC WILDLIFE CONTRACTOR OFFERS ALLIGATOR’S STUFFED HEAD TO ITS VICTIM

FITSNews – September 20, 2007 – A contractor for the South Carolina Department of Natural Resources wants to give the victim of an alligator attack the stuffed head of the very alligator that bit his arm off, the AP is reporting.

(The victim has) expressed interest in it through another officer,” said Ron Russell, who killed the alligator and cut into the animal Sunday to retrieve the man’s arm. “I’ll probably give it to him.” Russell said he usually donates the meat from alligators he kills to charity, but he won’t be doing that for the 11-foot, 550 pound alligator that attacked 59-year-old Bill Hedden. “I don’t think anyone would want to eat it, if you get my drift,” Russell said. Instead, the meat will be placed in traps to catch other alligators, said Russell, one of three state contractors who remove nuisance alligators for the Department of Natural Resources.

Awww, maybe they’ll even drench some of this guy’s blood all over the alligator’s teeth, you know, to give it that extra personal touch. “Dat dere’s me blood on dem teeth, tee-hee!”

Seriously, we need a hankerchief this is so damn sweet. Except by “sweet” we mean “intensely disturbing.” Why anybody would want to mount the head of something that took their arm off over the fireplace is beyond us, but then again this is South Carolina. And people here are f*cking stupid. Of course, waking up on the sofa after a nice Sunday afternoon snooze and seeing the same reptilian jaws that claimed one of your limbs sitting there staring back at you is probably comforting on some level. After all you can rub your knub with some real satisfaction knowing that’s one big damn lizard that ain’t gonna mess with you again.

UPDATE – Just out of curiousity, we’re wondering what criteria our Natural Resource officials use to differentiate “nuisance” alligators from your run-of-the-mill cuddly, face-licking, ask-you-to-rub-their-belly alligators? We had a stuffed animal alligator once (editor’s note: “Alli”) and all it ever wanted was a good belly rub. And kisses.

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