FITSNews – September 17, 2007 – Former NFL running back O.J. Simpson is in trouble with the law again, believe it or not. Las Vegas police have charged the “Juice” with two counts of robbery with a deadly weapon, two counts of assault and one count of conspiracy (with more charges likely to come) after Simpson and his “golfing buddies” held up a sports memorabilia hawker who had allegedly stolen some of Simpson’s personal items. So why didn’t Simpson, 60, just call the cops and report his stuff stolen? From the story:

Simpson told the Associated Press that he didn’t call the police to retrieve the items because authorities have been unhelpful to him since the 1994 murders of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend, Ron Goldman.

Damn. You don’t say? It’s amazing how non-cooperative cops can get with people who’ve chopped other people’s heads off and gotten away with it. Whether OJ is guilty in this case or not, the only happy ending here involves him going to jail for the rest of his life and dropping the soap on a daily basis.