MISS TEEN SOUTH CAROLINA UNEARTHS GLOBAL MAP-STEALING CONSPIRACY
FITSNews – August 27, 2007 – If you haven’t yet witnessed the mind-blowing answer given by Miss Teen South Carolina Caitlin Upton at last week’s national competition in Pasadena, California, you simply must CLICK HERE. Asked why twenty percent of American students can’t find their own country on a world map, Miss Upton answered as follows:
I personally believe the U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh … people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and … I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., err, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future …
You know we’ve always believed that those pesky Iraqis and South Africans (along with the Asian countries) were conspiring to steal our maps, but this evidence is about as concrete as it gets. The rest of the nation may be laughing at Miss Upton, but she’s onto something, people. Plus, we make it a rule to never doubt anything that comes from someone named “Caitlin.”
By E August 27, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Well, maybe I need to reconsider school choice. Or having children, not sure which at this point.
I could launch into a tizzy about how our social norms now place a higher value on looks than intellect, but I am too upset to even think right now after watching the You Tube video.
By Believe It Not August 27, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Will,
You are totally without class. Your history of knocking women around is bad enough when the victim was over 21 and the contact was physical. Now you’re turning a verbal assault against a teen.
If you’re going to assault people verbally (or any other way), at least pick on people your own size and old enough to take care of themselves.
By FITSNews August 27, 2007 at 1:56 pm
B-I-N,
We couldn’t agree with you more.
In fact, Sic Willie was bragging this morning about how he spent his weekend causing a massive oil spill and then clubbing all the baby seals who tried to escape from its black, oozing death.
What a violent jerk! Keep calling him out!
-FITSNews
By Reality check August 27, 2007 at 2:33 pm
What I want to know is — who’s taking the world maps from our children?? This is outrageous.
By You're the stupid one August 27, 2007 at 3:08 pm
If you didn’t understand her response then obviously you’re the one that’s stupid here. Its not simple. It requires one to understand our national idenity in a global environment combining factors entailing a plethora of cultures and contrasting how these cultures have maintained records resulting in differing representations of the geographical layout of the earth. Listen to her response again and see if it makes more sense now.
By Gillon August 27, 2007 at 3:27 pm
Anybody who can put words and thoughts together like that should have a bright future in SC politics,
By Don Johnson August 27, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Wow. I’m sure The State will blame this scourge of map-stealing on SCRG in an upcoming editorial.
By elise August 27, 2007 at 8:06 pm
As a U-S American, like such as one from South Africa or The Iraq, I am so proud of Miss South Carolina for the future of our children and the Asian countries. Such as.
By Blossom S. Bridges August 27, 2007 at 10:45 pm
She was obviously put up to this stunt by Howard “Mad Money” Rich to demonstrate the need for parents to be in charge of their child’s education. I hereby call upon Ms. Upton to disclose all financial holdings and tell us true “South Kakalakians” how much she is in Rich’s pocket for and what office she will be running for now with his money?
Remember, sunshine is the best disinfectant…and the best tanning lotion.
By E August 28, 2007 at 11:18 am
Her answer is simply the product of too much time under the heat lamp at the salon while getting her hair highlighted. One’s brain can only take so much. However, she proved this morning on the Today Show that she can read quite well off the teleprompter.
Oh, and BIN…when you say idodic things on national television you sort of open yourself up to ridicule. Be it at the hands of Will or anyone else for that matter
By Dave VanHinkel August 28, 2007 at 12:21 pm
USA! USA! USA! USA!
By Give Me FITS August 28, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Want to hear something more frightening than her response?
She finished 4th in the competition.
Reminds me of an old David Letterman interview. He had a reigning Miss America on his show. She went to great lengths to explain that the contest was no longer a beauty pageant, but was more of a scholarship competition. Soon afterward, he asked her if she was going to travel abroad as part of her duties as winner. Her response? “You mean, abroad the country?”
My guess: evening wear and swimsuit still counts for a lot.
And thank God for that.
By Give Me FITS August 28, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Oops, almost forgot:
Strom Problem.
Didn’t want to let B-I-N down.
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