Slumping Fartknockers Pull Off Blockbuster Trade
ACCUSATIONS OF “COLLUSION” STING COMMISSIONER SIC WILLIE
FITSNews – July 16, 2007 – FITS’ founding editor and Great Santini League Commissioner Sic Willie is under fire this morning after engineering a blockbuster trade between his famed Fartknockers fantasy baseball franchise and the last place team in the league. The trade, in which the Fartknockers received 2B B.J. Upton, 1B Mark Teixeira (pictured), P Justin Verlander and P Cole Hamels in exchange for DH David Ortiz, 2B Ray Durham, P Curt Schilling and P Brad Penny, drew the immediate rebuke of several Santini League owners, who accused Sic Willie of collusion.
“Collusion is a big word,” Sic Willie told the throng of reporters who gathered Monday morning outside his Columbia, S.C. residence. “Well, not so much a big word as a bad word. I can’t think about that right now, though. Right now all I’m thinking about is how to spell ‘Teixeira,’ since his name violates the ‘i’ before ‘e’ except after ‘c’ rule … twice. I’m also focused on … hey! Is that a fudgeround? You gonna eat that?”
Since becoming Commissioner earlier in the season, Sic Willie’s Fartknockers have fallen from first place to third place in the league standings, falling behind the hated “Croon Crew” and most recently, the Barry Bonds-powered “Notorious” squad.