Why We Kick All The Other Blogs’ Asses
IT’S NOT BECAUSE WE PUFF OUR CHESTS OUT, PEOPLE
FITSNews – July 11, 2007 – So some hotshot national reporter just called our founding editor Sic Willie and asked him why FITSNews so thoroughly kicks all the other blogs’ asses in South Carolina. Alright, alright … that wasn’t the actual question. But that’s what it sounded like to us. Fa real.
Anyway, they’re apparently doing a story on the South Carolina blogosphere and which websites the all-powerful State Legislature, the not-so-all-powerful Governor’s Office and the various S.C.-based 2008 campaign virgins enjoy reading.
It’s a “national story” (editor’s note: “right”) and as much as we like to hear ourselves talk, we decided to take a pass on this one. Well, let’s be honest – we were miraculously able to slap the duct tape over Sic Willie’s mouth before he started, um, “commenting.”
Our logic in refusing this request was simple … why give the good stuff away to some Beltway insider when we can tell you right here, right now about the many reasons we so effortlessly kick all the other blogs’ asses in South Carolina?
Let’s start with the most obvious reason – our humility. For example, there was that time we were set to receive the Nobel Prize for inventing dwarf wheat and at the last minute decided instead to get drunk let a Mexican farmer accept the honor on our behalf. His name was Santos, and it was incredibly touching. Also, we never fail to kneel in prayer and give the football to an offensive lineman after scoring one of our NFL career-leading rushing touchdowns … no Ocho Cinco showboating here, people.
Second, we’re funny. You know, like the blog “Barbecue & Politics” used to be funny until its author started experiencing four-hour erections every time somebody mentioned the name “Howie Rich.” Read the Viagra bottle BBQ, you’re really supposed to contact a doctor when that happens.
Third, there honestly ain’t much in the way of competition. The Palmetto Scoop gives us all the political hatchetry we can handle (unless it reflects poorly on John McCain, of course) and the Daily Turd dishes indistinguishable dirt on everybody under the sun except for its candidate of choice, the flippery Mitt Romney. At least the Turd offers its readers risque links into the thrill-a-minute lifestyle of superstud real estate mogul Franklin Jones, who is bringin’ sexyback all by himself, West Columbia, S.C.-style.
Then there’s South Carolina ‘08, which people used to read back when Laurin Manning wrote it, or the Blogland of Earl Capps, which is not to be confused with an over-the-counter sleep aide.
And let’s not forget Brad Warthen’s Blog over at La Socialista, which is not to be confused with a rare glimpse inside the Unabomber’s seemingly interminable quest for self-actualization.
So you see, it’s not that we’re really all that good … it’s just that everybody else sucks. Pretty bad, actually.
Oh, and all those pictures of hot chicks may have something to do with it …
Comments
By Girl Sailor on July 11th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
Why no mention of the Body Politic?
By sic haters on July 11th, 2007 at 12:51 pm
god will if you could be any more arrogant your damn head would explode. live it up jerk. you should have learned humilty by now.
By FITSNews on July 11th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Body Politic likes the Chargers. You can’t like the Chargers and get love on this blog, Girl Sailor.
Colts rule!
-FITSNews
By ABC (anybody but Colts) on July 11th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
methinks the other SC Bloggers will comment though.
By sic haters on July 11th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
BOYCOTT FITSNEWS JOIN US AND PUT A STOP TO THE HATE BY AGREEING NOT TO READ THIS SITE ANYMORE — FOREVER! POST YOUR NAMES HERE AND THEN LEAVE AND NEVER RETURN!!
By FITSNews on July 11th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Gee SH, that’s a great idea. But we do leave and return like a play-all-day carpet golf course.
It’s an itch. You’ve got it. And it’s okay to scratch it.
Speaking of which, it’s a little to the left … mmmm … now you really got it.
-FITSNews
By Nasty Natasha on July 11th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Will, tell me you didn’t really decline a national PR opportunity? You’ve got to have a better explanation than that…
By sic haters on July 11th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
oh he declined it all right but only bc they were asking about his cdv conviction, dui arrest and cocaine parties w trav. or more likely bc it NEVER HAPPENED!
By Earl Capps on July 11th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Funny, I never thought the Blogland was competing with you, any more than you were competing with the Blogland. We’ve been nice to you and even say nice stuff about you, so come on, be nice back.
As to the secret of your success … I’m pretty sure the hooters help. Ol’ un-lovable single me can’t help but tune in to see the newest pics a couple of times a day.
By FITSNews on July 11th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Sic Haters,
Not to be picky, but aren’t you supposed to be boycotting? Welcome back …
-FITSNews
By The Speed of Dark on July 11th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
Will’s 15 minutes of fame are about up. He’s been fired twice, arrested at least twice and claims to have helped elect the only SC Constitutional officer to ever be arrested for possession and intent to distribute cocaine – and they are Federal charges. What a resume!
Let’s not forget some of his memorable breaking stories.
There was the one about the Midlands elected official he claimed has a Strom problem. Will got suckered on that one. Then there was his FOI request to get the governor’s laptop. Fat chance. More recently there was his claim the governor paid out on the death of a child in Beaufort a while back. Heard anymore about that? You won’t.
We just keep coming back to see how big a fool he can make of himself with his next post.
By Reader from Greenville on July 11th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
Although we don’t always see eye-to-eye with the author, Will’s blog is the best political/political satire blog in the state…hands down. The Shot, Body Politic, Blogland of E.C., and SC Hotline are all good in their own rights, but just don’t have the excitement, humor, and political insight of this blog.
FITS News will be even better when losers like “sic haters” follow up on their threats to “LEAVE AND NEVER RETURN.”
By FITSNews on July 11th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
Earl Capps you are good people and your tolerance of our bipolar disorder is much obliged.
As for you “Speed of Dark,” is that like your Legend of Zorro play name? Seriously, you can tell us … we won’t think less of you.
For the record, Sic Willie has been fired WAY more than three times (just not by the governor), and he was actually arrested again last week in Sierra Leone for illegally exporting blood diamonds.
On top of that, there’s a good chance he’s high on cocaine right now.
-FITSNews
By Earl Capps on July 11th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
Is he checking out hooters too?
By Kaolin Kronicle on July 11th, 2007 at 10:00 pm
The Kaolin Kronicle likes Sic Willie and his little blog. We’re funny too, but a bit more biting. So all you FITS haters, get over it .Sic Willie has a good thing going here and we enjoy his humor. FITS is here to stay. May the rest of the SC blogosphere catch up! Man, we’re gonna elect a President in 2008 with SC making the decision! At least Sic Willie and FITS has their lenses focused!
By mike reino on July 12th, 2007 at 9:21 pm
Will,
S**T !! Not even a mention on how much I suck ?? Sure, maybe my A.D.D. keeps me from focusing on politics enough, and there are more interesting things than picking on Clyburn everyday, but I have a job to do…. Whether no one cares or not.
You know that the only thing worse than being ragged on is having people not care enough to rag on you…
By billl on July 24th, 2007 at 7:50 pm
we are very disappointed that our solicitor failed to establish probable cause during the murder charge hearing for Joseph Hankerson. Before going into a preliminary hearing on a murder case we expect Barbara Morgan to have her ducks in a row and at least be able to get the case bound over in front of the magistrate. Instead she can’t even demonstrate probable cause and then runs to the grand jury for a direct indictment. what kind of weak case is this and how much of our money does she intend to waste this time?
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