How China Rolls

REDS EXECUTE FOOD OVERLORD IN WAKE OF GLOBAL OUTCRY

FITSNews – July 11, 2007 – Talk about a bad year for Sino-Sensical relations. We’ve written about Chinese architecture and Chinese censorship on FITSNews recently, but today our focus is on Chinese government reform. Which is a lot like American government reform except the people involved are shorter and they get killed for f’ing up …

Battered by worldwide outrage over exports of poisoned pet food, toxic toothpaste, filthy fish and doctored drugs, China executed a top minister in charge of product safety yesterday. Zheng Xiaoyu, who was head of China’s State Food and Drug Administration from 1997 until last year, was charged with taking $800,000 in bribes to approve tainted and untested products. Zheng, 63, was sentenced to death in May for dereliction of duty. His swift execution was designed to send a global message.

Uhhh … mission accomplished. As far as we can tell, that message is “if you mess up in China, you die.” Which is sort of like when Coolio says “if you don’t work, you don’t eat” except probably even a little bit harsher than that. And Coolio tells it like it is, people. He’s got like a PhD in blunts … er, being blunt. When Coolio tells us to “stay sucka-free and keep the busters off yo jock,” you better believe we listen. After all, that’s the only way we’ll ever be ready when the 5 rolls by.