Limping Into The All-Star Break

FARTKNOCKERS’ SLIDE NOW JEOPARDIZING PLAYOFF ASPIRATIONS

FITSNews – July 7, 2007 – A month and a half ago, the FITS’ Fartknockers were sitting on a 16-point lead atop the Great Santini League standings, literally devouring opposing pitching and shutting down rival hitters with a ridiculously-low 2.14 ERA. Today, the Happy Warriors of the Little Pee Dee River have fallen 10 points behind the red hot Croon Crew due to a Chernobyl-esque pitching meltdown and a home run drought that has reached biblical proportions.

“How does a team basically drop 26 points in a month? It’s an unprecedented collapse, that’s for sure,” lamented Fartknockers’ owner Sic Willie. “The first two months of the season we were hitting everything in sight and nobody could touch our pitching. Today we can’t hit a lick and our pitchers can’t get anybody out. It’s depressing as hell, but what are you gonna do?”

Fantasy experts insist the Fartknockers are still in good shape to make the playoffs come September, but top draft picks David Ortiz and Carl Crawford must start producing at their 2006 levels and pitchers Curt Schilling, Fausto Carmona and Tom Glavine must show more consistency in their starts. In the words of fellow Great Santini owner and Baseball Hall-of-Famer Cal Ripken, Jr., Sic Willie’s squad “is slumping, but all the ingredients are there for a second-half explosion.”