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Photographing Fireworks Is Hard

SO IS SURVIVING THE WRATH OF THE HOUSE MAJORITY LEADER’S FAMILY

FITSNews - July 5, 2007 - We don’t have one of those fancy-schmancy digital cameras that takes like 900 million pictures per second and then automatically splices the frames for optimal image quality. Heck, our camera doesn’t even remove “red eye,” and we have absolutley no idea what “automatically splices the frames” even means, if it means anything at all. The only thing we know about cameras is that Maria Sharapova is good at selling them, and we were going to buy one from her but it would have put too big a dent in Sic Willie’s monthly burrito budget.

Anyway, the FITS’ girls and friends headed over to a neighborhood softball field last night to celebrate our nation’s birthday in style with a gigantic assortment of fireworks, including the amazing 36-shot “Bling Bling” flaming bouquet arrangement (pictured above).

A grand ole’ time was had by all … well, except for one scary moment when House Majority Leader Jimmy Merrill’s cousin decided to exact a little revenge on Sic Willie for a recent FITSNews’ article critical of her cousin’s campaign management skills. While bending over to light the fuse on the evening’s grand fireworks’ finale, a bottle rocket was “accidentally” detonated in the immediate vicinity of Sic Willie’s hindquarters. Needless to say, he won’t be sitting down without an inflatable donut for quite some time. In another strange coincidence, earlier during the day’s festivities a croquet mallet held by Merrill’s cousin “accidentally” slipped out of her hands during play and struck Sic Willie in a very sensitive area, forcing him to withdraw from the game and potentially jeopardizing his ability to procreate.

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