LACK OF STEALS CAUSES FITS' FARTKNOCKERS TO SLIP INTO SECOND PLACE FITSNews - June 14, 2007 - Despite ranking sixth in the Great Santini League in stolen bases for the past two months, the irrepressible FITS' Fartknockers somehow managed to hang onto first place - until today. And yes, everytime he
Read story »Archive for June, 2007
Obama Girl Has A Crush On FITSNews?
SIC WILLIE HAS DISCOVERED THE AUDACITY OF HOPE, PEOPLE FITSNews - June 14, 2007 - We tried to tell Sic Willie that his overnight obsession with Obama Girl was only going to break his heart, but you can't tell boys anything during the throes of infatuation. Strolling into the office this morning like
Read story »The Gay Love Bomb
PLANNED U.S. AIR FORCE WEAPON WOULD HAVE MADE THE ENEMY WANT TO HUMP EACH OTHER FITSNews - June 14, 2007 - We've been dying to write about this story for the past two days, but were a little gun-shy given all the flak we took the last time we wrote about bombs. Of course then we remembered that the
Read story »Still Last
ANOTHER BILLION DOLLARS LATER, SOUTH CAROLINA'S GRADUATION RATE STILL NATION'S WORST FITSNews - June 14, 2007 - Thank God for Jim Davenport. After all, if it wasn't for his reporting this morning the vast majority of South Carolinians probably wouldn't even know that their state ranked dead last in
Read story »Crushing On Obama
OBAMA GIRL ROCKS 2008 CAMPAIGN FITSNews - June 13, 2007 - We're not sure what Michelle Obama thinks of the latest tribute to her husband, Barack, but if you haven't seen the "I Got A Crush On Obama" video yet, you're totally missing out. Click here to watch it, unless of course you're offended by
Read story »Critical Mullet Vote Remains Undecided
VITAL DEMOGRAPHIC COULD HOLD KEYS TO WHITE HOUSE FITSNews - June 13, 2007 - It's hard to imagine a state in which only half of the population graduates from high school holding the keys to anything, let alone the White House, but such is South Carolina's historic role in the presidential selection process.
Read story »Wake Up, Sic Willie
FITS' FOUNDING EDITOR AWAKENED BY SHERIFF'S DEPUTIES FITSNews - June 13, 2007 - Our very own Sic Willie was enjoying a blissfully lucid dream this morning about Pam Anderson helping unprivileged children when his slumber was rudely interrupted by the rat-a-tat-tat of a forceful knocking sound at the
Read story »Money Can’t Buy Mitt Love
S.C. CAMPAIGN MONEY NOT FOLLOWING VOTERS' PREFERENCE FITSNews - June 12, 2007 - It's all about the Benjamins. Or is it? If the latest presidential polls and campaign contribution information are to be believed, absolutely not. Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, who currently sits in fourth place
Read story »Former Sanford Cabinet Members, Ex-Chief Of Staff Donated To Leatherman
GOVERNOR'S KEY ALLIES CONTRIBUTED TO WAR CHEST OF HIS NEMESIS FITSNews - June 12, 2007 - Two former Cabinet members and a former Chief-of-Staff to S.C. Governor Mark Sanford have made $1,000 donations to the campaign of State Sen. Hugh Leatherman, one of the governor's top political rivals. According
Read story »The Bridges Of Communist China
MAYBE THE CHINESE SHOULD STICK TO BUILDING WALLS FITSNews - June 12, 2007 - It wasn't so much the blind leading the blind as it was the blind leading the communists. Which when you stop and think about it is pretty much the same thing. According to Reuters, two Chinese officials were thrown in jail
Read story »Glory, Glory Hallelujah
REV. AL GOES FORTH IN THE NAME OF THE OPPRESSED FITSNews - June 11, 2007 - Probably the only thing more pathetic than Paris Hilton getting released early from jail is the Rev. Al Sharpton showing up to give a lesson in racial tolerance to the Sheriff who let her go early. First of all, Paris is back
Read story »Carrot Top Is Satan
EVIL IS ALIVE IN THE WORLD, PEOPLE FITSNews - June 11, 2007 - If you're one of the four people currently living on Planet Earth who actually thinks that Carrot Top is NOT the Son of Perdition, please allow us to submit the above picture as photographic evidence. Honestly, what other proof do you people
Read story »
