Who The Hell Is Michael Bloomberg?

WE THOUGHT RUDY GIULIANI WAS THE ONLY “HIZZONER” RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT

FITSNews – June 22, 2007 – Some dude named Michael Bloomberg is apparently the Mayor of New York. And he just left the Republican Party yesterday, fueling speculation that he might mount a presidential campaign as an independent. In fact, the press is so smitten with the idea that they’re already talking about a possible Bloomberg-Hillary Clinton matchup.

Seriously, who the hell is this guy? We’ve honestly never heard of him. Sure, there’s a good chance that’s because we’re from South Carolina and everyone down here is innately stupid, but then again it could be that he’s just not that well-known.

One thing we do know is that he looks a whole lot like The Joker. At least his face does, anyway. Which is probably from that time he was able to evade Batman by jumping into a drainage vat of chemical waste over at the old Axis Chemical Factory. Our bet is he also has some laughing teeth in his vest pocket, a crush on Kim Basinger and a bunch of poison gas balloons, too, and likes to ask people if they’ve ever “danced with the devil by the pale moonlight.” Shares our values? Come to think of it, absolutely!

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