Run, You Bastards
LACK OF STEALS CAUSES FITS’ FARTKNOCKERS TO SLIP INTO SECOND PLACE
FITSNews – June 14, 2007 – Despite ranking sixth in the Great Santini League in stolen bases for the past two months, the irrepressible FITS’ Fartknockers somehow managed to hang onto first place – until today. And yes, everytime he sits on the toilet Fartknockers’ owner Sic Willie still pretends he’s being interviewed by a gaggle of imaginary reporters about his team’s progress. And no, today’s interviews did not go well at all seeing as the evil Croon Crew now enjoys a half-game lead over the Fartknockers in the Santini standings.
“We’re just not running,” Sic Willie announced at this afternoon’s, um, press conference. “Every morning I look at the paper and pray to God that I’ll see somebody who got caught stealing. At least then I’d know we were running.”
The Fartknockers currently lead the GSL in batting average and ERA, and rank second in the league in wins, saves and ratio. Unfortunately, the team’s paltry total of 51 stolen bases remains a millstone hanging around its neck.
Comments
By John on June 18th, 2007 at 9:31 pm
Hey, what’s evil about the Crew?
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