Fred Thompson “Facts”
CANDIDATE SPLITTING ATOMS, THROWING FASTBALLS WITH HIS FEET
FITSNews – June 14, 2007 – Former U.S. Sen. Fred Thompson may have stopped just short of officially announcing his presidential candidacy on Jay Leno’s show the other night, but that hasn’t stopped some of his more ardent supporters from extolling his, um, many virtues. One site in particular, www.FredThompsonFacts.com, is particularly funny in its unflinching support of the candidate-to-be. For example, its author welcomes visitors to the site by saying:
The more I find out about Fred Thompson, the more I think he needs to be President. And I mean he should be President right now, like Dick Cheney should resign, President Bush should then appoint Fred Thompson to be Vice-President, and then President Bush should resign.
So what are the Fred Thompson facts? Well, according to the site, “Fred Thompson’s wit is so sharp that it can split apart atoms,” “Fred Thompson has never needed a hug,” “Fred Thompson can throw a 95-mph fastball … with his foot,” “The grass is always greener on Fred Thompson’s lawn,” “Fred Thompson doesn’t get sunburned, the sun gets Fred Thompson-burned,” “Waldo is hiding because of Fred Thompson,” and our personal favorite, “Fred Thompson reheats leftovers by staring at them.” Of course, we are attributing all of these facts because according to the site, “stealing these facts and calling them your own or using Fred Thompson’s name in vain will result in instant death by Fred Thompson.”
UPDATE - For a complete listing of the Fred Thompson “Facts,” click here.
Comments
By Don Jones on June 14th, 2007 at 11:40 pm
Fred is going to be both President and Vice President. He will then serve eight years in four so we all can lay around for four years in peace.
He has invented a way to turn bombs inside out so the blast turns inward and blows the bomber in orbit.
On July 4 he is going to stick his head out the window and say “Ya all git” and all the immigrants will rush home.
By The Trawlerman on June 15th, 2007 at 7:19 am
Cheap rip-off of Chuck Norris riffs. Get ready for the highwater mark of Fred’s campaign when he announces. Then watch the slide. Remember Wesley Clark?
By Sir Andrew on June 15th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
I disagree, Trawlerman
As long as the internet keeps buzzing, he’ll hold out.
By Sir Andrew on June 15th, 2007 at 12:37 pm
Oh, and Wesley Clark didn’t have a website devoted to facts about him…
By Give Me FITS on June 15th, 2007 at 3:31 pm
Don’t pay the Trawlerman.
Don’t even fix a price.
Don’t pay the Trawlerman…
…until he gets you to the other side.
By Jim Robinson on June 15th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
I guess nobody wants to talk about the gaffe Fred made on Leno when he said that “debating” was demeaning to the Presidency. Its not really, and Fred is just a coward who is afraid to meet his opponents face to face.
Note to Fred: Osama is not going to be afraid of you because you can read from a script and upload video to you tube.
I hope Fred doesnt require this much stroking in the sack to get off.Good greif!
By Sir Andrew on June 15th, 2007 at 8:14 pm
No, Osama is afraid of Fred Thompson because Fred Thompson is Fred Thompson…
By Bob in Feenicks on June 17th, 2007 at 4:22 pm
“Note to Fred: Osama is not going to be afraid of you because you can read from a script and upload video to you tube.”
Isn’t that pretty much what Osama has been doing since 2001?