Glory, Glory Hallelujah

REV. AL GOES FORTH IN THE NAME OF THE OPPRESSED

FITSNews – June 11, 2007 - Probably the only thing more pathetic than Paris Hilton getting released early from jail is the Rev. Al Sharpton showing up to give a lesson in racial tolerance to the Sheriff who let her go early. First of all, Paris is back behind bars now which makes the whole thing kind of pointless. Second of all, if there was anything – anything in the world – capable of making people feel something even remotely resembling sympathy for the recently re-incarcerated heiress, it’s Sharpton exploiting the situation in his typical race-mongering way.

Martin Luther the King had a dream. Jesse Jackson at one point had credibility. Al Sharpton has never had either. Of course this is Sharpton’s whole point, to make white people say “oh no he did-ent” every time he comes up with less and less valid excuses to exascerbate racial tensions in America. Of course, our bet is that most white people just change the channel whenever Sharpton comes on.

Are we racist? No, friends, we are not. In fact, we have several oil paintings of Jesus in our office here at FITSNews, and in each one of those paintings Jesus is black. Personally, we think that’s the way he would have wanted it. Our collection also includes paintings of Black Moses, Black Noah, Black Solomon and our personal favorite, Black Mary Magdalene. We have also memorized every episode of Roots, and are known throughout the hood as Kunta Kinte’s peeps. Additionally, an independent analysis of our website recently discovered that ten out of every eleven posts we write make fun of stupid ass cracker mother f%#&ers.

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