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DEBATING THE MASS TRANSIT MERITS OF ECO-FRIENDLY CABS, FLUX CAPACITORS AND S.C. REP. GARY SIMRILL’S HAIR

FITSNews – June 6, 2007 – You wouldn’t think that tiny Pelzer, S.C. (population: 97) would be leading in a Yahoo.com poll to win a fleet of hybrid taxi cabs as part of America’s “Greenest City” challenge. Of course you wouldn’t think people in Pelzer had access to the Internet, either. Or could read. Or walk upright. Seriously, the town is located in Anderson County, people, which is kind of like living in the pre-Crustacean era.

Having said that, since invertebrates still need to hitch a ride from time to time, the entire FITSNews‘ staff took the eco-friendly challenge and voted for Pelzer to get itself that shiny new fleet of hybrid taxi cabs. We figure it’s all about Carolina pride (which we’re infected with), not to mention giving the state legislature one less thing to spend your hard-earned tax dollars on. In fact, we’d like to take this opportunity to invite you to click here and vote for Pelzer yourself. They’ll even send you a free environmentally-conscientious light bulb for filling out a couple surveys – which is cool because that’s one less thing to pick up at the grocery.

Yet as helpful as Pelzer’s new hybrid cabs are likely to be in reducing the incidence of DUIs at area 4-H meetings, the coolest method of urban mass transit in the Palmetto State by far belongs to Rock Hill, S.C., which boasts State Rep. Gary Simrill and his two time-traveling DeLoreans. Remember people, the flux capacitor is what makes time travel possible. That and 1.21 gigawatts traveling at eighty-eight miles per hour. Of course despite being time travel veterans, it remains unclear whether Rep. Simrill and his two DeLoreans have found an era where his Kim Jong-Il-esque bouffant is considered even remotely stylish.