Mark Sanford Is A Roman General
WAXING PHILOSOPHICALLY, S.C. GOVERNOR TELLS WASHINGTON POST HIS GOAL IS TO “GO BACK TO THE FARM”
FITSNews – May 17, 2007 – We weren’t there, but at some point during his recent interview with S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford, we’re pretty sure Washington Post political reporter Chris Cillizza contemplated slitting his wrists. After all, that’s what most reporters do when politicians start “waxing philosophical” about being Roman Generals.
“It is certainly my goal to be Cincinnatus [and] go back to the farm,” Sanford told Cillizza, before quickly adding that he would “take the call” if anyone approached him about the possibility of becoming Vice President. Sanford also seemingly implied that the best way for Republicans to win the Presidency in 2008 was to simply stop talking about the War in Iraq, saying “the way you guarantee to lose is if you are the party of Iraq.” Sanford then added that voters should be engaged in a “comprehensive conversation” about global competitiveness instead.
Upon reading these comments, we assembled a panel of experts to analyze whether or not it was possible for Sanford to insert his head any further up his own ass. First of all, the strategy of “not talking” about the the War in Iraq – while brilliant on its face – does ignore the fact that there happens to be a war going on in Iraq. Which the media have pretty much picked up on at this point. Second of all, Cincinnatus defeated the Aequi and the Voliscians (sorry, Volscians) and later put down a rebellion by the plebians before returning to his “humble farm.” Sanford will be retiring to a posh beachfront pad after failing to accomplish, well, anything. Aside from those admittedly quibbling points, though, it’s a good analogy.
Comments
By believeitnot on May 17th, 2007 at 1:23 pm
It’s Volscians (as in Volsci) you pompous gum ball brained rumormonger. Boy, that felt gooood! Anyone who passed History 101 knows the Volsci were located between the Samniums and the Lariums and were just south of the Hernici. And it’s spelled Volscian.
They later allied with the Romulans and Klingon Empire to attack the Federation. Wait, maybe that was the Vulcans. And I think they were founding members of the Federation.
Sorry. Sometimes we get all full of sh@t like sic(k) willie.
Live long, and prosper, y’all.
By Newspaper Hack on May 17th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
I never had to take History 101 (thanks to that 5 I got on the AP US History test without studying – w00t), and I’ve never heard of these guys.
Cincinnatus, yes. The Visigoths, maybe. But then, I spent all my time learing how to lie with facts in my PR classes instead of reading about dead Italians.
By fitsnews on May 17th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
Ya’ll r our afct checking cuzzes.
-FITSNews
By Kirk on May 17th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
Scotty, there is no sign of intelligent life on this blog. Beam us over to the Vista so we can watch Wil Folks throw down a few cold ones and get plastered. Didn’t he get arrested for something he did down there a while back? Kirk out.
By Give Me FITS on May 17th, 2007 at 6:13 pm
History 101 my big left one. Looks like B-I-N has figured how to use Wikipedia. Congrats. Tomorrow’s lesson: your ATM card , the difficult cousin of the VCR clock.
Too bad B-I-N hasn’t shaken his cut-an-paste habit yet. If he had, he might have been able to do a real piece (or as close to at as we get around here) on Will, the Strom Problem, and the dustbunnies, as apparetnly The Chaser did.
Keep up the good work B-I-N. While you are crying, cutting, and pasting, other people were doing real work.
By AB on May 18th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
OMG, a star trek reference. How embarrasing
By believeitnot on May 19th, 2007 at 8:18 am
Dear G.M.F aka will, How do you think Chaser picked up the story? The news staff here are believeitnot.news sent him an anonymous emal tip. Your friends – believeitnot.news
By Former Palmetto Stater on May 19th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
Gee Will, can you really be surprised that Sanford is trotting out the “Cincinnatus” canard again? After all, you helped him promote this line back when he was signing your paychecks. Check out the April 2002 Greenville News story by Dan Hoover describing Marky-Mark’s brief “retirement” from politics. Maybe you should do a quick Google search before posting these breathless missives attacking conduct and statements you were once an accessory to. Sanford deserves every attack hurled at him, but you’re both cut from the same cheap cloth.
By FITSNews on May 19th, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Dear “Former,”
For the record, Sic Willie has a lot less hair than the governor and is only tanned four months of the year. He also prefers neon-colored polyester, while we understand the governor is more partial to 100% cotton.
Canard is nice, though. Good to have some original diction on our comment board for a change.
-FITSNews
By FITSNews on May 19th, 2007 at 8:11 pm
Just partial, sorry. “More” partial is obviously redundant.
-FITSNews
Trackbacks