THE NATION'S CAPITAL THROUGH THE EYES OF SIC WILLIE, NOW THERE'S A SCARY THOUGHT FITSNews - March 17, 2007 - We wish we could share the pics from Sic Willie's big night out up in D.C. impersonating the Representative from Maine, but we're trying to stay sort of family friendly these days. Besides, it's
Read story »Archive for March, 2007
“Pulling A Britney”
SIC WILLIE SHAVES HEAD, ATTACKS PAPARAZZI FITSNews - March 17, 2007 - So Sic Willie shaved his head today - which experts agree is a clear cry for help. Except replace "clear cry for help" with "clear attempt to hide male pattern baldness." Either way, Sic Willie's homage to his favorite popslut immediately
Read story »Attorney General Admits Shaving Moustache “A Mistake”
PRESIDENT SHRUB'S BUDDY COULD LOSE JOB OVER DISMISSED WHISKERS FITSNews - March 17, 2007 - Apparently U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is in hot water for firing a bunch of attorneys, not for shaving his moustache, but whatever. It's a scandal. You know, as much as we love to hate on Shrub, we're
Read story »Mouth-To-Fish Resuscitation Is Out
ACTUALLY MOUTH-TO-MOUTH RESUSCITATION IS WHAT'S OUT, BUT THAT'S NOT OUR POINT FITSNews - March 16, 2007 - According to a new Japanese study, cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) is much more effective if rescuers focus on chest compression over mouth-to-mouth ventilation. Of course, the study's results
Read story »S.C. Minority Leader To Endorse Richardson?
SOURCES SAY YES, OTT SAYS NO FITSNews - March 16, 2007 - S.C. House Minority Leader Harry Ott is said to be favoring New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson in the 2008 Democratic Presidential Primary, sources tell FITSNews. In fact, one source tells us Ott has signaled to fellow House Democrats that he is
Read story »McCain Unveils “Skraight” Talk Express
BETTER AKS SOMEBODY, ARIZONA SENATOR EAGER TO ROLL WIT DA HOMIES FITSNews - March 16, 2007 - Arizona Senator John McCain is adding a new wrinkle to the 2008 installment of his famous Straight Talk Express. Called the "Skraight" Talk Express, the low-riding yellow school bus will focus on minority outreach
Read story »AH-Nold Makes His Move
GOVENATOR BUMPS CALIFORNIA PRIMARY UP TO FEBRUARY 5, 2008 FITSNews - March 16, 2007 - It's official. California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has moved his state's presidential primary up to Feb. 5th, where it will join like 90 other states. Well, nineteen at least. California will now "get the respect
Read story »Conflicted S.C. Senators “Want It Both Ways” On Workers’ Comp Votes
ANTI-REFORM SENATORS RECUSE THEMSELVES IN ONE CASE, WANT TO INFLUENCE PROCESS IN ANOTHER FITSNews - March 15, 2007 - Five South Carolina Senators who are trying to kill a workers' compensation reform bill recused themselves this week from voting on a new Workers' Compensation Commission appointment.
Read story »America Can’t Handle The Truth About Anna Nicole
TIME TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT, PEOPLE FITSNews - March 15, 2007 - As millions of Americans stare at their TV sets wondering when this circus is finally going to leave town, we felt it was our duty here at FITSNews to sum up the story of what really happened to Anna Nicole Smith once and for all. Are
Read story »This Is How The S.C. Senate Rolls
IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK IN SOUTH CAROLINA, PEOPLE FITSNews - March 15, 2007 - After a week of partying like rock stars in our nation's capital, we gotta say it was nice to get back to our favorite third world country State of Disunion, the lovely South Cackilacky. And you know, it sure didn't take long
Read story »The FITS Girls Are Pissed
MAINSTREAM PRESS GIVING SIC WILLIE WAY TOO MUCH CREDIT FOR ALL OF OUR HARD WORK FITSNews - March 15, 2007 - We don't mind breaking one off on the peddlers of pork and the backers of bloated government here at FITSNews, but frankly we are sick and tired of Sic Willie getting all the damn credit. From
Read story »Hey Man, Nice Shot
BRACKET FEVER IN FULL EFFECT AS NCAA TOURNAMENT KICKS OFF TODAY FITSNews - March 15, 2007 - Say what you want about Duke and former Blue Devil Christian Laettner, but his turnaround jumper (above) to beat Kentucky in the 1992 NCAA East Regional finals is hands down the greatest college basketball shot
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