Egg-Tooth Funds Egg-Tooth Festival In Anderson

COMPETITIVE GRANT USED TO CONSTRUCT GIANT EGG … WHICH HOUSE WAYS & MEANS CHAIRMAN THEN BUSTS OUT OF

FITSNews – March 27, 2007 - Government in South Carolina is not terribly complicated. How could it be? We’re not that smart. Basically, our leaders get re-elected by secretively funding a bunch of boat ramps and cheezy ass local festivals in their districts. Then they convince a largely illiterate populace that “dat ‘dere boat ramp be good fir d’econamee.” Then they honor each other by naming, well, a bunch of boat ramps and cheezy ass local festivals after themselves. They even name stuff after their pappies sometimes.

Anyway, one of the kingpins of this goat show is House Ways & Means Chairman Dan Cooper, whose dental evolution actually pre-dates the Big Bang. In fact, he technically hasn’t even been born yet because if you look at him closely, you’ll see his Egg-Tooth is still in place. Which is why everybody calls him “Egg-Tooth.” Or “Chairman Egg-Tooth,” out of respect for his position.

Speaking of looking at stuff closely, though, we searched long and hard to find a picture (above) of the latest boondoggle approved by our beloved Chairman “Egg-Tooth” out of his secret slush fund of taxpayer dollars. Which … drum roll … means it’s now your turn to look closely and tell us if you can see the Chairman (and his trademark tooth) somewhere amid the singing, dancing and Egg-worshipping of the inaugural Anderson County Egg-Tooth Festival. (Hint – look at the egg).

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