John Edwards Is An Insensitive Prick

By fitsnews • on March 22, 2007

HIS WIFE’S CANCER HAS RETURNED, BUT GOD FORBID IT DISRUPT HIS SELFISH POLITICAL AMBITIONS

FITSNews – March 22, 2007 – We actually vomited in our mouths just a little bit when we saw how many Americans were completely hoodwinked by John Edwards’ shameless exploitation of his wife’s breast cancer. But then again Americans are pretty f*cking stupid. Just compare our test scores with those of other industrialized nations.

Anyway, Edwards announced today that he is selfishly continuing his quest for the Democratic presidential nomination despite the fact that his wife’s cancer has returned. Uhhh … yes, you did read that correctly. Obviously, Edwards doesn’t understand that when we women say something, what we mean is the exact opposite of whatever it was we just said.

For example, when we tell Sic Willie, “Of course you can keep playing video football on your X-Box, we don’t mind,” what we mean is “Get your bald-headed ass to the refrigerator and bring us some Ben & Jerry’s now, b*tch slave.” Of course, he always does what we tell him to do. Eventually anyway.

UPDATE - Just in case you thought we were the only cynical SOB’s out there, from today’s issue of The Guardian: “(Edwards) could also receive a poll boost from the exposure of the last 24 hours as well as from public sympathy for Mrs Edwards.” Yeah. What did we just say?

Comments

By Observer on March 22nd, 2007 at 4:52 pm

So the new affiliation with S.C. Hotline is obviosly bleeding onto this Web site. Sickening but expected. I’m sure no one remembers their headline for a John Edwards story: “Edwards speaks without mentioning wife’s cancer.” Democracts I suppose can at least take from this that Edwards may be the biggest threat to the Folks//HotlineCrew Republican Internerd PAC for whichever Republican candidate they are (shamelessly) “secretly” working for.

By Applelover on March 22nd, 2007 at 5:24 pm

You shaved your ass too?

By Excellent psychoanayzation of Mrs. Edwards! on March 22nd, 2007 at 5:28 pm

Go get’em! I knew he would exploit his wife’s cancer every step of the way and she is probably faking too! Well either that or I will just take Mr. Folks (or the ‘Fits girls’) word for it that they have a better insight into the Edward’s marriage than the Edward’s themselves. Why won’t people just listen to Will Folks, the world would be a better place. I am not voting for or against Edwards based on his wife’s battle with cancer, but I am not sure why this puts him in a position to be called a jerk? It was either running for President or meet his wife on her hosiptal bed later to get her to sign divorce papers so he could marry his next mistress – a la Senior Gingrich – I think the Edwards’ personal choice is just that, a decision they made together, and unfortunately forgot to involve Will Folks in (those inconsiderate b*st*rds!

FITS, please write something cool under this like “your welcome for your service.”

By Don Johnson on March 22nd, 2007 at 8:31 pm

I feel pretty.

Maybe I’ll get a haircut tomorrow.

By fitsnews on March 22nd, 2007 at 8:34 pm

Thank God for Don. These comments were Seriousville in spite of themselves.

-FITSNews

P.S. – We keed, we keed. We think John Edwards is super sexy.

By Deb O'Nare on March 22nd, 2007 at 9:59 pm

You should probably go ahead and tell the Dalai Lama you stole his look.

By ells bells on March 23rd, 2007 at 9:03 am

i get where you’re going here but i thnk what you’re saying is out of ignorance.. cancer sucks and cancer changes a lot about the way people lieve their lives.. but, no matter what, you’ve got to keep living. and if god willing that happened to me or someone i know.. i would hope that those around me would still live freely and fully. that’s life. i’m not an edwards fan by any means. but i think this would be a good experience for the american people and that elizabeth edwards’ ordeal and incumbent experiences could me very martyr-like and tell-tale for those who ignore their health. you don’t know what they’re going through.. so you can’t really judge their decisions.. which they are making together..

By Lowcountry counselor on March 23rd, 2007 at 9:46 am

Well said, ells bells. Somehow I just knew what sic willie’s knee-jerk reaction to this story would be. I am not an Edward’s fan either. However, I do feel Mrs. Edward’s decision to support her husband’s desire to continue his quest might represent hope and distraction for her during this ordeal. Those of you who see the world through political eyes only call it exploitation. Others, who are able to broaden their field of vision with respect to the world and life, will take a different message from this story.

By Silence Dogood on March 23rd, 2007 at 1:02 pm

Come back from ’seriousville’ people fits ‘keeds.’ I am confused FITS, how could one not see this as a hilarious subject?

By Minto McGill on March 24th, 2007 at 12:34 am

What you have to remember is that not only has Sic Willie never had a wife with cancer, he’s never had a wife and has only had one real job in his whole life (a job he was fired from when he assaulted his fiance). Compare Wil’s rather miserable career to that of John Edwards who has worked in the cotton mill, the court house, and on the floor of the United States Senate. John Edwards has been married for three decades and raised four children. Sic Willie has no family other than a few drunks in the Vista. When you put all this in the appropriate context, Will’s post becomes even more pathetic.

By fitsnews on March 24th, 2007 at 8:46 pm

Dear Minto,

Wow. That’s what we like to see! Keep it comin!

-FITSNews