Why Do We Have A Secretary Of State Again?

CONDI RICE, MARK HAMMOND – IT’S REALLY HARD TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE SOMETIMES

FITSNews – March 10, 2007 - U.S. Secretary of State Condi Rice is a powerful Cabinet secretary who conducts intricate geopolitical negotiations while representing American interests on the global stage. South Carolina Secretary of State Mark Hammond (a.k.a. “The Bean“), on the other hand, is a big, bald dude who justifies a taxpayer-funded salary of $92,007 a year by staring very hard at the wall and investigating beauty pageants.

Just today, in fact, The Bean requested some additional tax information from the Miss South Carolina Organization, whose website you should stay away from unless a) your speakers are turned down, or b) you’re curious as to what Hell sounds like.

“The ball’s in their court now, so we’ll see what we get,” said the Bean’s Chief of Staff Melissa Dunlap, who earns at least part of her $77,616 annual salary by talking tough to beauty pageants when they get out of line.

Are you kidding us?

Seriously, there are painted white lines in the State House parking garage and used toilet tissue squares in the State House lavatory that are providing more value to the taxpayer than these two.

And government toilet paper sucks, people.

Anyway, no wonder Sic Willie was actually going to run a canine for this position in the Democratic primary.

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