S.C. Governor Names New Chief Of Staff January 30, 2007
Posted by fitsnews in : SC Politics , add a comment
TOM DAVIS TO ASSUME TOP POST IN S.C. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE
FITSNews - January 30, 2007 - Tom Davis, a Beaufort attorney and longtime confidant to S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford, will be the governor’s second term chief of staff.
Sanford announced Davis’ appointment to the administration’s top post to reporters following this morning’s meeting of the State Budget & Control Board, where Sanford’s current chief of staff Henry White is headed to become executive director, incidentally.
“Tom is an extraordinarily wise choice for the governor,” said former House Minority Leader James Smith (D-Richland). “Tom has boatloads of respect in both the House and Senate, on both sides of the aisle. He’s going to substantially extend the governor’s ability to move his agenda forward.” (more…)
Reese Jealous of Sic Willie’s Rachel McAdams Obsession?
Posted by fitsnews in : Pop Culture, Satire , 1 comment so far
SIC WILLIE HOPING A LITTLE BI-CURIOSITY WILL RESOLVE THE CONFLICT
FITSNews - January 30, 2007 - It hasn’t been a good week for South Carolina transplant Reese Witherspoon. First, the idiots over at Showbiz Sky were “uber fussy” in criticizing her grey, knee-length Nina Ricci dress from the Screen Actors Guild Awards. Fortunately, ET got it right.
Reese may have to compete with Rachel McAdams for Sic Willie’s affections, but she doesn’t make fashion mistakes, people.
Anyway, Reese’s reps may or may not have placed a “cease and desist” telephone call to Sic Willie this morning, informing him that he was scaring the Legally Blonde heroine, but all his ears heard was that Reese may or may not be open to a threesome with him and Rachel McAdams.
John Edwards’ Wife Doesn’t Get It
Posted by fitsnews in : Presidential Politics , 3 comments
RICH FOLK LIVING IN ONE AMERICA LOVE EDUCATING THE UNWASHED MASSES LIVING IN THE OTHER
FITSNews - January 30, 2007 - We respect the fact that Elizabeth Edwards, wife of arm-flapping presidential wanna-be John Edwards, is a cancer survivor. And hopefully she respects the fact that we’re going to make fun of her anyway.
Seriously, only the wife of a liberal class warfare antagonist whose 28,200-square-foot house (pictured above) has unleashed a mini-political firestorm would think the P.R. solution lies in giving America an energy efficiency/ social studies lesson.
First of all, this lame ass response is almost exactly the same “change your lightbulbs” drivel that somebody from the Edwards campaign molested our windshield with over the weekend - on non-recycled paper, no less. More importantly, though, it fails to explain how a rich former trial lawyer with the biggest, most expensive house in his County has the nerve to lecture anybody about the inequality of the “Two Americas.” (more…)
Rachel McAdams Can Do No Wrong
Posted by fitsnews in : Pop Culture , add a comment
OUR BUBBLE GUM HIGHLIGHT APPOINTMENTS ARE SCHEDULED FOR THIS AFTERNOON, PEOPLE
FITSNews - January 30, 2007 - After the decidedly “family unfriendly” detour Paris Hilton subjected us to yesterday, what a princessy breeze Rachel McAdams is.
Plus, you can do a Google Image Search of her without having to get penicillin injections every five minutes.
Rachel could dye her hair “Cornflower” (you remember, from the big box of Crayola crayons) and still be the hottest girl in the world. She could pull out an AK-47 at a school for the deaf and blind, yell out “the streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelievers,” wax all the deaf and blind kids, blow the smoke from the barrel, giggle, and it would be as cute as the basketful of cuddly puppies poster we have hanging above our bed. (more…)
Mitt Romney’s SC Trip Is Going Pretty Well So Far January 29, 2007
Posted by fitsnews in : Presidential Politics , add a comment
IF YOU CONSIDER FLAMING TRAIN DERAILMENTS A GOOD THING
FITSNews - January 29, 2007 - Let’s see … Mitt Romney was in Charleston this morning touting three marginally significant political endorsements and veteran reporter Bruce Smith of the Associated Press showed up.
Hmmmm. Wonder what’s about to happen here?
Well, if you guessed that Bruce Smith was going to largely ignore the three irrelevent endorsements and grill Romney on something hypercontroversial like abortion, then you’re ready for a job on the former governor’s press staff - and after this morning’s train wreck there’s probably going to be an opening available soon. As in today. (more…)
Classy, Classy, Classy
Posted by fitsnews in : Pop Culture , 2 comments
SOUTH CAROLINA CAN’T CHANGE ITS CONSENT LAW FAST ENOUGH
FITSNews - January 29, 2007 - What’s amazing about this picture of Paris Hilton is it has resulted in the first lawsuit ever filed against FITSNews. Honest to God.
What’s also amazing is it wasn’t some angry Bible-thumper in Anderson County objecting to the “family unfriendliness” Paris always confers on our little corner of the blogosphere who filed it. It was actually that Little Black Box covering her nipples who sued us. Well, and our Photoshop program sued us too.
Why? Turns out the second we opened this pic from Paris Exposed, our Photoshop program contracted an STD. Which was then passed on to the little black box we used to cover Paris’ nonexistent boobies. So thanks a lot, Paris. You’re still a slut, your breasts are still small, and now we’re out like $20 kazillion dollars to two inanimate objects.
Huckleberry’s In
Posted by fitsnews in : Presidential Politics , 2 comments
FORMER ARKANSAS GOVERNOR GIVING IT A GO
FITSNews - January 29, 2007 - Mike Huckabee probably doesn’t remember it, but he passed the FITSNews interview test a long time ago.
Three and a half years ago to be precise, at the Southern Governor’s Association meeting in Charleston, West Virginia.
That’s when Sic Willie went up to Huckabee and started blabbing about how he played a Fender Jazz Bass through a solid state pre-amp Gallien-Krueger head and double-stack Hartke Transient Attack cabinet. (more…)
