Trouble In The Land Of 1,000 Virgins

COLLEGE REPUBLICANS FEUDING OVER 2008 PRESIDENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS, DUNGEONS & DRAGONS DICE, WHY NO ONE’S GETTING TO FIRST BASE

FITSNews - January 28, 2007 - The fact that there’s a brou-ha-ha going on among the South Carolina College Republicans is seriously the funniest damn thing we’ve heard all week.

It’s like God himself called the home office here at FITSNews and said “Hey girls, I got something for the blog.” And then God wanted us to find a way to blame the whole thing on SCGOP Chairman Katon Dawson, but we told God we’d made Katon our b*tch enough times already this month.

Anyway, watching these mini-Mayors of Importantville jockeying for position is a lot like watching them roll the polyhedral dice at a Dungeons & Dragons convention to see who gets to play Dungeon Master.

“The orb of the forgotten realm’s halflings require that you enter the Dragonlance.”

“Never! Never! I will never enter the Dragonlance!”

UPDATE- Apparently, the “Jackoff-in-Chief” of this whole dust-up is some idiot named Bob Jackman. Cause “Jackman” is just what kids like this get named shortly before being dropped as babies. Anyway, Jackoff is upset because he feels the CRCSC Constitution (Article IX, Section 2, to be precise) has been violated by some premature endorsements. Whoa there, Tiger. You don’t get to toss around words like “violated” or “premature endorsements” until you’ve at least been to first base. Need a crash course? Do yourself a favor and rent Cruel Intentions. It’s scene 10 on the DVD, and you can thank us later.

Incidentally, here’s a pic of Mr. Jackman we happened to stumble upon. Welcome to the show, kid.

Comments

By Dave VanHinkel on June 28th, 2007 at 5:08 pm

Well played FITSnewsanistas, very well played.

Trackbacks

• Immigration Song « FITSNews For Now