Holy Hell, Angelina Jolie Is The Virgin Mary
WE ARE LOOKING FOR THE WORDS TO DESCRIBE THIS …
FITSNews – January 11, 2007 – Yeah, there really is no right way to start this off. It’s all pretty much deadly.
Let’s just start by saying that when we were making up our list last night of all the things we didn’t especially want to see represented right now in contemporary art, Maddox Jolie’s prepubescent wanger was like #5. For the record, it was just behind Rosie O’Donnell spooning with Barbara Walters, John Candy’s deteriorating corpse, the Elephant Man and Elton John sixty-nining and Michael Jackson’s mug shot.
So yes, color us more than a little bit disturbed to wake up this morning and see this painting.
Predictably, this whole thing is supposed to be some lame artistic statement on celebrity worship, which ironically is celebrity worship itself. We get it Kate Kretz. You may think you challenged us to examine our attitudes toward celebrities or some other artsy fartsy psycho-babble they taught you at Freak School, but all you’ve done is make it totally impossible for us to feel even remotely horny today.
And we were about to take a shower.
Just as predictably, Angelina Jolie is pissed. First of all, it is definitely going to make Madonna jealous, and those two are already squabbling about Madonna’s theft adoption of a baby in some African country we have never heard of. Massoui … maybe. Or Macarana. Or Macaroni. Or Malawia. That’s it. Malawia.
Oh, and she’s probably also not happy that some crazy lady in North Carolina just painted a picture with her six-year old son’s wanger in it.
The only positive thing we can say about this painting is it did remind us of the scene in Wedding Crashers after John and Jeremy get busted and Jeremy tells Todd “the painting was a gift” and that he’s taking the gay artist’s homoerotic tribute with him.
Because that was good stuff … and there was a fig leaf covering Vince Vaughn’s wanger in that painting. And Vince Vaughn is not six years old.
Comments
By ells bells on January 11th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Where were you when this was on Fox News on Monday?
By jcristg on January 11th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
i missed this too. and i wish i had missed it on your blog too! that’s scary!
By fitsnews on January 11th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
Ells-
Monday we were shame spiraling over some excessive frap calories and denied ourselves the otherwise daily pleasure of googling Angelina.
It’s self-mutilation, we know, but it reminds us that only one Venti Mocha frap is allowed per day.
FITSNews
By ells bells on January 11th, 2007 at 10:11 pm
Lets hope no other future shame spirals keep you from your daily intake of hot chicks on the internet. Ya gotta get it somewhere.
By yunahalo on January 12th, 2007 at 5:17 am
I have no comment on Angelina, as I am still in shock, but I will tell you this… that woman in the pink shirt in the bottom left corner is HAWT. Lyke, h0tt3r than P4R15 H1L70N… I swear.
Trackbacks