Your Long-Awaited New Slang for 2007

DON’T BOWDEN ON US, COME EGG-TOOTH A ROMNEY AND GET FRAPPED UP WITH THE COOL KIDS …

FITSNews – January 10, 2007 – Like Douglas MacArthur returning to the Phillipines, or KITT coming back to bail David Hasselhoff out of danger in a Knight Rider episode, you can count on FITSNews not to leave you hanging.

When we promise you a list of new slang for 2007, we deliver people. Like our boy T-Rav, that is just how we roll.

So without further adieu, here are some expressions you should probably get used to hearing all the cool kids use, because we are dropping them on you right now:

Area (noun) – Places you are legally required to cover in public. Ex. “I’ve seen enough of Britney’s area this last month to last me a lifetime.”

Bowden (verb) – The act of starting something strong but losing steam toward the end. Ex. “Son, when I asked you to rake the yard I didn’t mean for you to start the job and then Bowden out on me.”

Brownback (noun) – A snowball’s chance in hell. Ex. “That guy from Kansas doesn’t have a Brownback of becoming President, does he?”

Chillaxing (verb) – Chilling and relaxing simultaneously, from Comedy Central’s Star Trek Cribs skits. Ex. “This is where I chill. This is where I relax. This is where I chillax.”

Egg-Toothed (verb) – Created. Ex. “I just Egg-Toothed a responsible, balanced budget. Not.”

Flog-Blogging (verb) – The act of ripping some one a new one on a blog post. Ex. “Laurin Manning just flog-blogged the hell out of me.”

Frapped Up (adjective) – Slightly hyperactive due to excessive Frappucino intake. Ex. “How many of those did you let him have? He’s totally frapped up right now.”

Fred-Ex (noun) – South Carolina’s version of Fed-Ex, involving a pickup truck and a man in overalls. The man’s name, oddly enough, is Earl. Ex. We sent ‘dem Pecans Fred-Ex, you should gittem next munth.”

Frenemy (noun) – Someone who is supposedly your friend but you don’t trust them as far as you can throw them. Ex. “Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are classic frenemies.”

Fruggly (adjective) – F’in Ridiculously Ugly. Ex. “Have you see Tara Reid’s lypo? Ohmigod that is the fruggliest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Gumflapper (noun) – A press secretary or spokesperson. Ex. “Mark Sanford’s current gumflapper is not making much sense with these organizational charts of employees making $100,000 or more.”

Importantville (noun) – The State House block of the City of Columbia, S.C. Ex. “Bobby Harrell is the Mayor of Importantville.”

Ledge (noun) – The area outside the window from which you are about to jump (generally due to a situation with a person of the opposite sex). Ex: “I am on a ledge because the boy I like did not call.”

Ledginess (adjective) – Nervousness or anxiousness about a situation, again generally involving the opposite sex. Ex: “I am really ledgy right now because the boy I like did not call.”

Lifetiming It (verb) – Whenever males spend time with females doing things the females want to do. Ex. “I’d love to go to the game but Reese Witherspoon and I are lifetiming it together at the house tonight.”

Marfing (verb) – To Mess Around Really Fast on someone in a relationship. Ex. “I feel terrible for marfing on him like that but I couldn’t help myself. Sic Willie was SO charming!”

Mayored (verb) – To get bitched out by S.C. Speaker of the House Bobby Harrell, the “Mayor of Importantville.” Ex. “Man the Speaker just took me into his office and Mayored the hell out of me over that bill.”

McCainiac (noun) – Somebody who loves them some John McCain. Ex. “Somebody told me Sic Willie is a total McCainiac, but I think he just doesn’t like Mitt Romney.”

Megabagadouche (noun) – A very, very annoying person. Ex. “Man, that dude is a total megabagadouche.”

Obama (verb) – To praise immodestly. Ex. “I’m going to blush if you don’t stop Obama-ing me.”

Oh-Eighter (noun) – A political operative who is in South Carolina specifically for the 2008 Presidential Primaries. Ex. “Is that girl from around here or is she an oh-eighter?”

Racktackular (adjective) – Possessing spectacular breasts. Ex. “Lindsay Lohan is just racktackular.”

Ridonkulous (adjective) – Beyond ridiculous. Ex. “The notion that Sic Willie will ever get a date again after writing crap like racktackular is just ridonkulous.”

Romney (verb) – To flip-flop or change one’s mind. Ex. “I know I said I wanted blueberry pancakes, honey, but I Romneyed my mind.”

Romney (noun) – The button on a television remote that takes you from the Lifetime Channel to NFL football (or vice versa) in one click. Ex. “Our remotes come factory equipped with large, lighted Romneys for easy flipping.”

Sand in Vagina (noun) – Excessive moodiness or complaining. Ex.“We could probably re-nourish the entire South Carolina coastline with the sand from Will Folks’ vagina.”

Scuzzscruff (noun) – A particularly weak moustache. Ex. “God Sic Willie’s new scuzzscruff is pathetic.”

Serve (verb) – To insult, embarrass or reject someone for entertainment purposes. Ex. “Dude, she totally just served you.”

Skrady (adjective) – Someone or something that is both sketchy and shady. Ex. “I would never go out on a date with someone as skrady as Sic Willie.”

Spinegraine (noun) – A migraine headache that you feel all over your body. Ex. “Listening to Sic Willie gives me a friggin’ spinegraine.”

Super Secret Special Love (noun) – Secretly crushing or carrying on a relationship with someone. Ex. “I hear they are in super secret special love with each other.”

Tanford (noun) – The 115th post-Colonial governor of South Carolina. Ex. “We’re going to watch Tanford get sworn in today, are you?”

V.R. (noun) – Visual Relief, usually in the form of attractive members of the opposite sex, often clustered together in a group for easy viewing. Ex. “We are headed to the Chubhouse to check out the V.R., wanna go?”

UPDATED - Since we are a bunch of pompous self-promoters here, we neglected to point out that our dear friends Classic Antebellum Beauty, Drumms and Skinny contributed to this collection of New Slang.

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