Girl-Crushing On Kathleen Parker December 31, 2006
Posted by fitsnews in : Pop Culture , 1 comment so far
NATIONALLY-SYNDICATED COLUMNIST IS WHO WE WANT TO BE WHEN WE GROW UP
FITSNews - December 31, 2006 - We totally loved Kathleen Parker’s column this morning.
Witty, flirtatious, mildly-irreverent and (as usual) exceptionally well-written, it was everything a good column should be, of course in all fairness we have had a longstanding girl-crush on the author. (more…)
Adopt-A-Pet This New Year
Posted by fitsnews in : Good Stuff , 1 comment so far
SAY HEY TO MAY, A BASSET HOUND-BEAGLE MIX WHO NEEDS A NEW HOME FOR THE NEW YEAR
FITSNews - December 31, 2006 - Say hey to May.
She’s an adorable Basset Hound-Beagle mix who absolutely loves playing with kids and other dogs - and vegging out in front of the television, too, of course. She’s a beautiful tri-color who is already house-trained and fixed, and she’s up-to-date on all her shots, too.
Won’t you help make May’s New Year one to remember by giving her a loving home? She would sure be grateful. (more…)
NFL Playoff Scenarios Hurting Our Heads
Posted by fitsnews in : Sports , add a comment
LOOKS LIKE PRETTY MUCH EVERYBODY BUT OAKLAND RAIDERS STILL IN THE HUNT TO MAKE PLAYOFFS
FITSNews - December 31, 2006 - Somebody get us some aspirin. Or better yet two of those Advil Liquigel capsules.
We tried to figure out the NFL playoff picture earlier today and all we got was a splitting headache. Apparently, Sic Willie’s Indianapolis Colts are in, but whether they get a first-round bye or not depends on the Baltimore Ravens, the alignment of the moons of Endor and the precise location of the head of Alfredo Garcia. (more…)
Saddam Hanging Video Morbidly Fascinates
Posted by fitsnews in : The Press, US Politics , add a comment
AMERICA SEEMS TO GET OFF WATCHING ITS ENEMIES DIE, AND HEADLINE OF THIS POST MAY OR MAY NOT BE WRITTEN IN IAMBIC PENTAMETER
FITSNews - December 31, 2006 - Apparently, a goodly number of our colleagues in the blogosphere are tripping over themselves to post video clips of the Saddam Hussein execution. Just click on any of the links in that last sentence to see what we mean.
Mainstream networks like CNN and NBC are vowing to use discretion in showing the footage of the execution, but let’s be honest - nothing gets TV anchorpeople off quite like staring into the camera with an especially concerned look on their face and saying “the images you are about to see are shocking, graphic and disturbing. Viewer discretion is advised.” And nothings gets TV executives off quite like watching their anchorpeople do that. (more…)
John Edwards Flaps His Arms Too Much
Posted by fitsnews in : Presidential Politics, Satire , 2 comments
NEWEST OFFICIAL PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE NEEDS TO RATION EXHAUSTING ARM GESTURES
FITSNews - December 31, 2006 - Conducting a Google photo search of Democratic Presidential candidate John Edwards is exhausting business.
Seriously, his arms are flapping all over the place in so many different pictures it makes us tired.
It’s not just the picture above. Or the one we used of him three days ago. (more…)
Some Rare Praise for Shrub December 30, 2006
Posted by fitsnews in : US Politics , add a comment
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES PUTS OUT A THOUGHTFUL AND ARTICULATE STATEMENT ON A MAJOR WORLD EVENT FOR A CHANGE
FITSNews - December 30, 2006 - The worst thing about a major world event occuring is that Shrub (a.k.a. President George W. Bush) usually puts out a statement giving his opinion about whatever it was that happened.
And Shrub’s statements usually suck - more often than not because they are a) totally wrong, b) strangely similar to what you’d hear during snakehandling revival week at a Free Will Baptist church, or c) completely drunk on alliteration (”the present progress of peace and purpose is presaged by the persistence and pervasiveness of our powerful and proper presence”). (more…)
Miss Tennessee Has Pretty Eyes
Posted by fitsnews in : Pop Culture , add a comment
SHE ALSO SINGS, HELPS ABUSED CHILDREN AND ISN’T OUT PARIS HILTON-ING IT UP ALL THE TIME
FITSNews - December 30, 2006 - Since we’ve written so much about beauty queens drinking underage, using illegal drugs and basically whoring it up all the time, we figured we should also tell you about one who isn’t doing any of those things.
Blaire Pancake, the reigning Miss Tennessee, is a Phi Beta Kappa honor student, the official spokeswoman for Prevent Child Abuse Tennessee, an amatuer archaeologist and avid History Channel watcher. She also has her real estate license and wrote this really nice Christmas article in a bunch of Tennessee newspapers … you know, for the kids. (more…)
